Did God choose the wrong mom for your children? Have you had that aching feeling inside that maybe someone else could do a better job? I have to confess that I have let those feelings and thoughts permeate my mind many times during my journey of being a parent. I often wondered why God would designate me on earth when failure seems to be written all over my parenting style.
When You Want to Be the Perfect Mom
More than anything else in life, I wanted to be a mama. As a small child, I tucked my baby dolls in and knew I would trade the precious toys for the real thing one day. As I grew, my motherhood thoughts expanded; I was determined to be the best mother ever created. Yes, I was a bit idealistic and unrealistic.
I have an amazing mom myself, but I had plans to surpass even her. I set my sights on becoming a “Spectacular Mother”—the off-the-charts kind of one.
So this is where my mind was when I took my precious first-born baby home from the hospital. I loved and cuddled her as I rocked and soothed her, and it was magical!
Expectations Hurt
And then it happened—she started in with inconsolable crying. Not just a little whine but a sound I had no idea could come from a precious baby. Noise, which would not stop! No matter what I did, she screamed at the top of her little lungs for hours at a time. The more I tried to attain the perfect mommy role, the more I felt like a failure.
This time marked the beginning of wondering, had God chosen the wrong mom? Maybe I was not the right kind of parent for my child. #motherhood Share on X
As time went on, I could easily set aside those thoughts because I loved motherhood so much I didn’t care if I was the right one. I was busy enjoying God’s blessings through three beautiful children.
Mental Health Challenges
We breezed through pre-school and elementary. However, we hit the teenage years, and mental health challenges began to show up in a few of my blessings. The old feelings of had God gotten it wrong crept up with a vengeance.
Once again, I began thinking, God had made a mistake and I was not the right person. My heart ached!
Mom Failure
Failure loomed in my heart as if I had somehow failed my children. Questions ravaged my mind— had I missed the signs, not sought the help needed early enough, and were they paying the price for my failures? It hurt to watch them suffer, and I felt so responsible for their pain.
If only God had picked someone else, I believed they would have done a better job, and my children would not be suffering.“
After all, I had no skill set to understand how to help. At first, everything I did was wrong. Oh, the mistakes that I made.
It haunted me that I could not kiss my children's pain away like when they were small. #mentalillness #motherhood Share on X
I wallowed in my failure, guilt, and mistakes until I realized these thoughts served no purpose. Do you ever wallow in guilt?
God Doesn’t Make Mistakes
I cried out to God, and this is what I heard —
“You are the mother I chose, and I do not make mistakes.”
“Quit your wallowing and get busy becoming who your offspring need.”
“I will equip you, however, you must do your part.”
“Trust me.”
So I stepped into the trenches of mental illness and motherhood. I stepped in with all my faults, mistakes, and misgivings.
I continue to work hard at educating myself and learning new skills to be the mom God wants me to be. After all, He chose me for my amazing children.
Oh, of course, mistakes are made in motherhood and we come up short repeatedly. Only God is perfect, and He knows what He is doing. After all, he knit us together long before we were born.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
Maybe your doubt has nothing to do with motherhood or caring for someone with an illness. From time to time, we all find ourselves wondering if there isn’t a better person for the job than us.
When insecurities slip in, we have a few choices; we can wallow in our questioning or move forward with confidence that God will equip us.
He knew long ago you would be exactly where you are. You are that perfect person for your circumstances. #motherhood Share on X
Do you ever wonder did God chose the wrong Mom for your children?
Embrace Motherhood—God chose you, and He trusts you to be your child's mom. The Lord has not made a mistake. #motherhood #choices Share on XEmbracing Faith & Mental Illness Community
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Upcoming Talk: When Your Loved One Has a Mental Illness Is Change Possible?
Feeling stuck, discouraged, or unsure if things can ever improve? This talk is for you. Maree Dee, Founder of Embracing Faith & Mental Illness, invites you to explore:
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Join us for this inspiring session via Zoom on Saturday, January 4, 2025, at 9:00 AM (Mountain Time).
On the spectrum here. It sounds like your first baby has autism. Colic often plagues kids. It sucks. It’s usually inherited too. It runs in families. One or the other parent. I’m so sorry that happened to you. If not impressed by your story. You should have stopped by baby number one. But oh well. There’s new medication for the spectrum though. Good news for those of us trapped by this disorder.
Thank you for your input. I’m thankful that only one of my three children had colic. I’m relieved to know that there’s new medication that helps. I honestly didn’t realize that there was medicine for those with an autism diagnosis. That is good to know. Maree
As a friend of mine says, “That will preach!” I think we all wanted to be moms when we were little and we all played with our dolls and watched princess movies and conquered up ideas of the perfect motherhood. Then, we realize that life can take twists and turns. 😀
Maree, I love your posts so much that I am going to try to pin a few of them. Hopefully my new Pinterest skills will work so that others will be as blessed as I am by your wonderful posts.
Erin,
What an encourager. Thank you so much for your kind words.
Thank you also for pinning/sharing my posts. I just recently started a Pinterest account. The truth is I don’t understand too well how it works. I just went on and started following Burden Free Caregiving. I too will pin some of yours. When I went to your website, I notice quite a few posts I have missed. Can’t wait to catch up and figure out how I missed them. I too love your posts.
Maree
I am so glad He knows us and equips us for just our children. Hope your Mother’s Day was spectacular!
Me too! My Mothers Day was good I hope yours was too. Maree
Maree, yes, yes, we were thinking alike. But just last night, I told my husband that despite the challenges, God chose us to be their parents and chose them for us. He knows what he is doing. Thanks so much for the much needed encouragement.
You are so welcome. We all need to be reminded from time to time – God knows what he is doing.
While I can’t relate to the mental illness part, I can relate to everything else! Those mama-failure feelings can be a real downer. I’ve always prayed that my love for my kids will cover my multitude of sins. And, boy, I had no idea how challenging teen years would be. Yikes!
Thanks for sharing at Literacy Musing Mondays.
Brandi,
I am right there with you praying my multitude of sins are covered. I think all moms at one time or another can relate to wondering if someone else could do a better job. Then of course in those teenage years our children have a way of letting us know just how little we know. The best part is when they become adults and begin to form friendships with us and they realize hey my parents aren’t so dumb.
Have a great weekend,
Maree
Maree, God gave me an insight along these same lines just after the passing of my mum, early in May. She was exactly the mum that I needed in order to become who I am. He did not falter and his plans did not go awry — He knew what He was doing.
Michele, Thank you for sharing about your mum. That is wonderful to have such confidence in God’s plan. He doesn’t make mistakes. I didn’t realize your mom just passed away. Such a fresh hurt. I hope your mothers day was good in spite of missing your mum. Blessings, Maree
Maree I think we can all relate. Who doesn’t fill ill-equipped for the job?! I remember right before leaving the hospital with our first baby thinking to myself, ” Are they just going to let us leave with this baby? They don’t even know us!” What a process of sanctification God has had me on through parenting! Thank you for your honesty:) Through learning disabilities and teenage rebellion, I could relate so well to your feelings.
Gretchen, I love the story you told about bringing home your first baby. It made me smile from ear to ear. Yes, so true it is a process of sanctification. I am glad you could relate, and I am not the only one that has wondered from time to time if God picked the wrong mom. Maree
With 5 kids, I feel this way often. I’m learning so much about myself as I parent them and God is using them to shape me and vice versa. He knows exactly what He’s doing;)
Julie – I do find it so amazing what we learn about ourselves through the parenting process. Funny before I became a parent I thought I would be doing all the teaching. I never dreamed I would learn and change. My children each and every one of them have made me a better person. Maree
It always stings a little when God has to pull us up short, but we know we need it! His truth is always what we can stand firm on. Visiting from #momentsofhope.
Liz — You shared such a truth that we his truth is what we can stand firm on. Maree
I’ve definitely doubted God’s choice of me. Live hasn’t been all cookies and cream. But, the longer I live, I realize He did pick the right person. (Sometimes I wish He’d chosen someone else.) My post this week (not sure if you’ve read it) is about “but God” moments. http://www.realmomsdontjudgewejustsuggest.com/handling-tragedy/ I have had to try to start looking at life through a “but God” lens. Keeps me sane : ) and focused on Him.
Sheila,
Thank you for sharing. I can’t wait to read your post. Yes, I need to put on those God lens mine eyesight is too blurry.
Blessings, Maree
Very nice post, Maree! Visiting today from #tuestalk.
Sarah, Thank you! Maree
Sarah – I wanted to jump over to your website from my comment section but your website doesn’t pop up for some reason. Sorry, I have no idea how to fix it just though you might like to know.Maree
Our Amazing God always give the grace, doesn’t He!? Thanks for sharing!
Oh, how I love his GRACE!
I wonder if the mere fact that we want to be a better mom than we believe we are could be a sign that we are a good mom. If we were not a good mom, would we care if we did a good job or not? Perhaps the enemy of our souls is at work with his lies again (and again, and again)?
Keep up the good work! You are a good mom. Hang in there.
And, I hope you had a happy Mother’s Day yesterday. 🙂
I think you are right. A good mom would have a desire to be the best she could be. Yes, the enemy knows right where to attack. He is clever; motherhood is one area, like many moms where I am vulnerable. Thank you for your insightful comment. I did have a happy Mother’s Day and I hope you did too. Maree
Maree, Wow! You have spoken for countless amounts of women who hide in shame because of their feelings. I am one of them. “I had no skill set for an illness like this.” This says it all. NOTHING prepares you for raising a child who doesn’t fit in the culturally acceptable mold. Not only do you question your identity and role, judgements are heaped upon you from other parents. I have clung to Lam. 3:22-23 daily. Thank you for your words of truth here and offering up the hope found in our God who knows us.
Stephanie – Me too – I love Lamentation 3:22-23. I can remember many a night when I couldn’t wait to go to bed because I knew tomorrow would be a new day with a fresh start. Maree
Maree, This is just such a precious story and testimony. I love this: “He knew long ago you would be exactly where you are. You are that perfect person for your circumstances.” Thank you!
And the picture at the top of the post – P-R-E-C-I-O-U-S!!!
I thought so too. I wasn’t even sure it fit that well with the post, but it was so darn adorable. Maree
Leslie,
Thank you so much for your comment. This week has been a hard week full of sadness as we lost someone that is like a son to me. It also makes one look at your own children, and question have I said enough, done enough, loved enough, and yet we can never do it perfectly. Blessings – Maree
Oh, Maree! I am trying to type through sobs & tears because your message was JUST what I needed to read today! I am once again in Canada with my daughter & young boys in order to give some support while my son-in-law is away…and it has been very tough, as usual 🙁 Thank you for the encouragement & the truth that God didn’t make a mistake when He chose me to be her mother! That I can do “all things through Christ Jesus who gives me strength!”
Happy Mother’s Day to you as well, sweet friend & sister in Christ!
Bette – I am praying now as I send this for your confidence in God to believe you are the right mom. I have no doubt he will equip you. Love that verse! I once heard a speaker talk about this verse. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but the gist of it was when in doubt hold up your ten fingers in front of you. Each finger represents a word. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Sometimes all I say is ten fingers. It helps when I am speaking to look at my hands and remember that.
Maree
We all definitely have the doubt that we’re the person for the job. I was just questioning this a couple of nights ago. Thank you for speaking the truth- God knows, and He has known. He is at work!