Do you want to love others unconditionally but find it nearly impossible? Do you feel frustrated, angry, upset, or like a failure every time you try? Perhaps your approach could benefit from a new perspective. Learn how to tease out the true meaning of unconditional love with these ten steps.
First, let’s clarify about what unconditional love really is.
Unconditional love is—
- An action
- A choice
- Expectation free
- Without conditions
- Vulnerable
- Courageous
Unconditional love is a unique kind of love that exceeds your ordinary love. It is a gift you give without expecting anything in return
Unconditional love is when you accept the other person—right where they are. #unconditionalloe #love Share on XIf we remain consistent, loving this way can be intense, powerful, painful, and deeply rewarding. If you missed our post on “Is Unconditional Love Even Possible?” click here to catch up.
While it may seem daunting and impossible, I don’t believe we possess the ability for this perfect, unrestricted love. However, following the ten steps below can get a lot closer.
Ten Steps to Loving Unconditionally
1. Choose to Love Unconditionally
We must consciously decide to love this way rather than waiting for the feelings to come. Unconditional love is not a feel-good kind of love. It means loving someone regardless of their behavior while maintaining healthy boundaries to protect ourselves from burnout and danger.
2. Let Go of Expectations
The moment we start to have expectations or conditions, we have turned towards a different kind of love that does not reflect the purity of unconditional love. True love expects nothing in return and does not withhold affection based on the other person’s actions.
3. Accept the Other Person
Giving this type of unrestricted affection is challenging if we can’t accept the other person for who they are. Acceptance does not mean we like, agree, or condone their actions or words, but it means loving them regardless.
4. Drop the Judgments
Judgments are almost always toxic in a relationship. When we hold onto judgments, it hinders our ability to love freely. Let go of the need to judge and see the person for who they are.
5. Speak Your Loved One’s Love Language
Learn the five emotional love languages and try to communicate in a way that resonates with your loved one’s style. Don’t assume that they share the same love language as you. Take the test here to learn your love language.
For example, if your partner’s love language is quality time, giving them gifts may not be as meaningful to them as spending quality time together.
6. Forgive Often
It’s challenging to love someone when we have built up resentments towards them. Forgiveness allows us to let go and move on, regardless of whether the other person is sorry. It’s essential to find a way to forgive so that we can free ourselves to love.
7. Love Yourself
One crucial aspect to remember is that we must start with ourselves. It’s impossible to love someone else with all their imperfections if we don’t first love ourselves. Take the time to see yourself as worthy of love, and you’ll be ready to give this same kind of love to others. Remember, loving yourself also means taking good care of yourself.
Do you love yourself with unconditional love?
8. Practice
Unconditional love doesn’t come naturally; it takes effort and practice. Start small by doing something daily for another person without expecting anything in return. Soon enough, it will become second nature.
9. Be Committed
Don’t give up on your journey to unconditional love. It may be challenging at times, but persevere and keep trying.
10. Seek God
Did you know that God speaks our love language? Tap into His power and strength, allowing Him to love you in your emotional love language. Remember, we may come up short in our attempts to love unconditionally, but God never will.
God’s Calling to Love Others
If God has called you to love someone unconditionally, I encourage you to go for it. Be courageous and care for them with this audacious love that knows no limits or expectations. By following the ten steps above, you’ll get closer to reaching this level of love, and when you stumble, don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, it takes practice and patience.
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:12 ESV)
Please share any additional steps you take to help you love others or yourself unconditionally.
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Beaufiful reminder, Maree. They all resonate with me, but especially letting go of expectations. Expectations are a big killer to unconditional love.
I’m right there with you; those darn expectations are so hard to let go of and do get in the way when trying to love.
Yes, loving yourself would be hard if no one has ever shown you love. However, I am so thankful that God’s word can teach us about love and self-love. Maree
Furthermore you cannot love yourself if no one has ever shown you love. Love is learned and need to be taught.
Yes, loving yourself would be hard if no one has ever shown you love. However, I am so thankful that God’s word can teach us about love and self-love. Maree
I don’t know of anyone that loves unconditionally. And when you say it is a choice it makes me even more sad. It means people have chosen not to love. It would have been nice if God had created us to just have genuine love for each other. Instead, Sundays is the most segregated day in America, where the whites go to their lily-white churches, blacks to their black churches, and so on. I feel the lease amount of love in a church, and I find it is all pretense when they smile. I will never forget being sick and no one in the church checking up on me until I begged them, and I sang regularly in the church choir and they did not miss me when I was not there for several Sundays. Ended up having surgery and no one in my church helped. Go figure they want your money, but they have no time to help you, or call you, or provide a pastoral visit. They are too busy saving the world they forget they have a congregation that need care also. I find the Salvation Army is the real church. They actually help people, all kinds of people.
Trecy, I am so sorry to hear about your experience in church and that no one reached out to you at a time when you were sick and hurting. We are the church, so I feel awful. I’m sure I am guilty at times of overlooking people, even family, in pursuit of helping others, and I, too, have been forgotten, and it never feels good. I pray Jesus opens my eyes to see the person next to me who needs a touch of Jesus’ love. Thank you for sharing your story, and I am so glad you have found a loving group through the Salvation Army.
Blessings, Maree
Maree
This one’s stepping on my toes a bit this morning. It’s difficult to know how to love someone sometimes without allowing them to abuse you. Thank you for this important reminder today, and I loved your steps.
Oh, Ashley, it is hard sometimes to know the line, but I will say whenever abuse is present, it is never OK. I do think that is where good boundaries come in. Loving from a distance is still OK. Also, sometimes all we can offer is prayer, which is still HUGE. Blessings, Maree
Love this action list for walking towards unconditional love! I value the reminder that it starts with a choice. These nuggets are wonderful and I’ll be pinning for sure!
Erin,
Thank you for your words of encouragement and for sharing. I appreciate you. Maree
It’s so important to intentionally discover our loved ones’ love languages!
Anita – Yes, I agree. Thank you for the reminder. Periodically it is a good idea to review how we are doing loving others in their love language. It is time for a refresher around here. Thank you for adding to our conversation. Blessings, Maree
Hi Maree,
I have just gone through a test on this one which I’ll share this week.
Great post!
Blessings,
Jennifer
Jennifer, I will be on the lookout for your post. Maree
Even though I am talking today about compassion, I’d say it flows in a very similar vein as unconditional love, Maree Dee. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and challenge with us! It makes me want to love better and without limitations, my friend! I’ll be pinning!
Thank you for pinning. I love hearing about compassion. It has been a week of needing to show compassion and unconditional love. I better head over and read your post. I am exhausted and have come up so short this week. Thank you for stopping by. Maree
Such a great list, Maree. I find that expectations, especially, are a killer of unconditional love … best (though often difficult) to accept people as they are with no strings attached. A belated happy Valentine’s Day to you, my friend!
Happy Belated Valentines Day to you too. I hope you had a wonderful day. I agree expectations is the hardest. Maree
So many good action verbs in this list!
Thank you!!! Maree
To me, the expectations are what can really cause resentment. So good to let them go. This is a great list of things that we all need to be working on, especially with the more difficult people in our life.
April – I agree. It is so difficult at times to put away our expectations. You are so right it can lead to resentment. Thank you for the encouragement. Maree
Love this reminder today, Maree! Especially number two!
Oh yes, the expectation is one I need to be reminded of frequently. Thank you for stopping by. Maree
What a great post for the week of Valentine’s Day! I appreciated these words so much: “You will come up short at loving unconditionally but God will not. If God has called you to love someone with unconditional love – I encourage you to go for it.” As He calls us to love, He will fulfill those impossible places within us. Thanks for these truth-filled words today. Blessings to you!
Bettie, Your words came over to me at just the right time. Thank you for reminding me God will not fail at the unconditional love. Maree
To love unconditionally…not an easy thing, that’s for sure. Especially those people who are difficult to love (WAIT!! That’s ME sometimes!). One thing I really need to work on is letting go of expectations. That’s the thing that really trips me up.
Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth this week.
Aimme – Haha I like how you mentioned we are sometimes the ones that are difficult to love. I sure can be difficult too. Blessings, Maree
Yes! Love isn’t just going to be there. It takes effort and the choice to love. Great steps!
Sarah, I agree love is a choice. Thank you for your encouragement I always love seeing your sweet picture pop up with a comment. It means the world to me. Maree
These are great tips. Imagine what the world would be like if we were all trying to love one another unconditionally?
Theresa, I would love to imagine what the world would be like if we all loved unconditionally. I guess we will have to wait for heaven. Happy Valentines Day! Maree
What a great topic, Maree Dee. I appreciate your perspective and wisdom shared here. I’ll be pinning!
Thank you for stopping by!!! I love the encouragement. Blessings, Maree
To love unconditionally – it is a discipline we have to train in. It isn’t easy. But loving the difficult people is what we are called to do. Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth.
Aimee – That is so true it is a discipline, and we have to train for it. I like that. Thank you for sharing your wise words. Maree
These are awesome! My favorites are 1 and 2. Love is a choice and expectations and conditions are never helpful. May we all put these to good use!
Sarah – Thank you for stopping by. Yes, my favorite is #1. I must choose. Maree
Wonderful post Maree. Thank you!
Thank you – I love it when you leave me little words of encouragement. Maree
“Is courageous” is one thing that stuck out to me. Courage doesn’t come naturally to me. 🙂 But when we really stick our necks out to love someone unconditionally, it requires courage. Thanks for sharing this!
Lisa – Yes, we have to stand up and be courageous. I couldn’t do it without God. As a little girl, I was fearful of everything, especially rejection. Wishing you courage as you love other unconditionally. Blessings, Maree
‘Start small’ – definitely. Sometimes I have tried to do ‘big’ to show someone they are loved and I get overwhelmed when actually small actions & words built upon one another add up and form a good foundation for bigger things! I’m also glad of the reminder that while I’ll often fail at loving unconditionally, Father God never does!
I agree God is ultimately in charge and the fact that he won’t fail is a huge relief for me. I won’t stop trying, but I know I come up short.
Great tips. I found myself nodding my head in agreement, especially concerning seeking God, the Love Languages, and loving self. All have been life-changers in my walk, and many other testimonies have touted the same. It was a joy to visit today via #raralinkup.
Kristi – Thank you for visiting today! I agree. all of them are life changers. I don’t know about you, but I tend to forget a few as life goes on. It was nice to revisit the love languages.
Maree Dee,
It is not an accident that you are writing these words now, nor is it coincidental that the Lord has put you in my path for such a time as this. Choosing to love is a big one, isn’t it. I appreciate you put it first. Sometimes we have to choose to see love as an option. Sometimes we need to choose to see what that kind of love can look like tangibly and realistically.
As I sat with my daughter who is struggling through the trials of life I was reminded that Love covers a multitude of sins… Love covers the weight of hurt and pain and although it doesn’t fix what is wrong, it reminds us that we are not alone.
May God continue to use your words to bring hope to those who read.
Blessings,
Dawn
Letting go of expectations seems to be my biggest challenge. Appreciate this very practical approach!
Crystal, Letting go of expectations is a big one for me too. Maree
Such great tips, Maree! Thank you for the simple clarity : )
You are so welcome! Thank you for stopping by. Maree
Love that you point out that it’s a choice to love unconditionally. Also, I tend to get hung up on expectations and/or judgments, but I know that I can find freedom in relationships as I let go of those things and love without any conditions.
I am with you too. Expectations are what get me. I also find that loving my children with unconditional love comes a little easier than other relationships. I still have to choose it.
Thanks for sharing- these are great tips! I really appreciated your last post on this so I am glad I ended up next to you at Fresh Market Friday today so that I could find this one.
Lesly – I am glad you ended up next to me too. I hope to see you again. I love interacting with you on the blog. Maree
Great point about when we hold onto judgements we’re not free to love. Judgement sure can be the enemy of relationship, can’t it. Good list, Maree — Thanks for sharing with #ChasingCommunity today. ((hug))
Brenda – If I am honest I though I didn’t judge others too much until I did a little studying on the subject. I was in shock at how often we judge others. I find judgments really get in the way but are hard not to make.
Maree, I think my last comment got eaten by those naughty little bots. So I’ll try not to repeat myself in case it shows up again. Let me just say how encouraging it is to know that God’s unconditional love will never let us down.
Thanks for sharing these insights! I’m pinning this nugget of wisdom to share with others right now!
Blessings,
Marva | SunSparkleShine
Marva, Thank you for pinning and visiting. I have got to figure out that pinning stuff. The technology of blogging can be overwhelming at times. I am so glad you reposted a comment. I don’t see the first one. Maree
Yes, comment-eating bots is another aspect of blogging that can be frustrating. 🙂 But I’m so glad we got to connect. Your site is beautiful and I can tell this won’t be my last visit. Those little bots did not scare me off!