How to Ask for Help When Life is Hard

Do you struggle to ask for help when life is hard? Does your pride get in the way, like mine? Or are you fearful of the idea that somehow your needs might be a burden to someone else? Perhaps, you might reframe these thoughts and consider God’s plan. After all, you might be robbing someone of a blessing by not inquiring.

Leslie Newman discovered what it was like to need help after an unexpected accident. She not only shares her story but leaves us with three thoughts bound to help us muster up the courage to find help in God and others. Please welcome our guest Leslie who is a beautiful writer and coach.

How to Ask for Help When Life is Hard

Written by Leslie Newman

It was a beautiful summer day, and my son and I had made a last-minute decision to go to the lake. He strapped our two brand new kayaks to the top of the SUV, and we took off. Both of us were looking forward to the sun, water, and spending time with our friends. 

Fifteen minutes into our trip, we were broadsided by another vehicle while making a left turn. With a blinding flash, we were slammed across the intersection and left facing the opposite direction in a totaled car. 

Thankfully, my son recovered in a short amount of time. However, it was a different story for me. I didn’t know it then, but I was facing a future that didn’t look like what I had envisioned. What I had hoped would be a short recovery stretched out to months, then drew out into several difficult years.

Chronic pain impacted my life in many ways. I could no longer keep up with the lifestyle I was used to. The pain was always with me and required many unwanted changes in my life. The sudden change in my abilities was frustrating — even maddening. I pushed myself, thinking that would be the best way to get well. But it only made my symptoms worse. 

I felt useless and became depressed, and didn’t know if I would ever really recover. I began to question God — something I’d never done before.

Then one day, a friend dropped by to see me. She brought food and cooked it in my kitchen. We ate together, and there was a lot left to put away in the freezer for quick meals on my worst days. 

My friend had been through a long season of an unexplained illness. She understood the roller coaster of emotions, and she knew how impacting the limitations could be. In a soft, kind voice, she told me that I’d learn to navigate my situation. 

On her way out the door, she hugged me and told me I would be OK. Then she turned back to me and said in her quiet way, “Leslie, give yourself permission to ask for help.” 

I knew she was right. So many people would be willing to help me if I would only ask, but asking for help was not something I was used to doing. 

I had all sorts of reasons not to ask.

• I don’t want to be a burden. Others have enough to do without taking care of me too.
• I’ll just be whining about my pain. I don’t want to complain. 
• It’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be. I should be able to get over this by myself. 

But the truth was, I was suffering alone.

I continued to tell others, “I’m OK right now. I don’t need anything.” But I was only fooling myself.

Eventually, God brought about a set of circumstances that led me to seek help from various people. In the process, I learned a lot about myself. 

I began to understand that I had legitimate needs and couldn’t do everything alone. Asking for help was the right thing to do. 

I learned to move at a slower pace. I set healthy limits in many areas of my life that served me well and helped me recover. 

In asking for help, I learned to become an individual. I wasn’t becoming dependent. I was becoming strong. 

Over time, I began to see how God was working. He grew my faith in the most difficult circumstances. I began to understand that the future He had in mind for me was better than the one I had envisioned before the wreck. 

Eventually, I did learn to navigate my limitations, just like my sweet friend had promised. Even today, I still navigate the impacts of that wreck. But I’m in a better place now because I’ve learned to set healthy limits and ask for help when needed. 

If you find asking for help challenging, here are three things to remember. 

3 Thoughts to Remember When Asking for Help

1. You don’t have to go through challenges alone. 

First and foremost, ask the Lord to help you. When you are discouraged, and He seems far away, remember Romans 8:26 and know that He is interceding for you with words beyond human expression. The Lord is on your side, and he’s working out your circumstances. 

Not only is the Lord there for you, but many people around want to help — friends, family, church members, helping professionals. When you ask for help, you are giving another person an opportunity to be a blessing.

2. Don’t be afraid to consider your legitimate needs. 

Whenever you face the unexpected, you’ll have legitimate needs. Don’t be afraid to consider exactly what those needs are. Set aside any guilt or feelings that you are being selfish. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask for what you need. It’s also healthy to set boundaries when others don’t understand your limitations. You have a big role in taking care of yourself, including asking for what you need. 

Once you know your needs, be specific when you ask. Often others want to help, but they don’t know how. When you tell someone exactly what you need, it makes it easier for them to know how to help you. They now have something specific they can do, and you both receive a blessing.

3. Asking for help develops your emotional strength. 

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s part of being human. In our drive to be independent, we often forget that living life as an emotionally strong individual also involves leaning on others so we can ask for and receive the help we genuinely need. Graciously receiving support from others meets your needs and honors the other person. 

It’s natural to feel overwhelmed when facing hard things, but you don’t have to stay stuck in that place. As you lean on the Lord and learn to navigate your circumstances by asking for help, you’ll grow in faith and become emotionally resilient — an unexpected outcome of the very best kind.

What helps you to ask for help when life is hard?

Leslie Newman is an educator, a writer, and a Professional Christian Life Coach. She loves to help women exchange people-pleasing patterns for healthy boundaries so they can find God-honoring ways to serve others without feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.

Leslie blogs at www.journeytoimperfect.com.

You can also connect with her at www.leslienewmancoaching.com to learn about individual coaching and workshops. 

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