Celebrating Mother’s Day is Important When Your Child Has a Mental Illness

Mother’s Day can be a bittersweet holiday for moms with a son or daughter with mental health challenges. If you are that mom, I know you face unique struggles many never see amid the flowers and gifts. Feelings of overwhelm, guilt, loss, and failure often accompany the day. It is not unusual to consider skipping the celebration altogether. However, before you cancel the day, what if I told you celebrating Mother’s Day is important even when your child has a mental illness? Honoring the day can be a powerful tool to improve your relationship and increase your resilience. 

But My Child Doesn’t Have a Mental Illness

This article is for you even if you don’t have a son or daughter who struggles with mental health challenges. What a gift you could be today by honoring a mother’s strength and recognizing the difficult circumstances she faces. Will you look around and see that momma who is hurting behind that smile she has painted on her face? 

I am that momma with adult children who struggle, and I have saved scores of texts, notes, and emails from friends and family who have taken the time from their happy celebrations to encourage me and ask me about each of my children. Notes that said,

• “Please join us; we can handle any outbursts.”
• “You are doing the right thing.”
• “I’m praying for you today.”
• “You are such a special mom.”
• “What a gift you are to your children.”
• “Thank you for being an example of a Mom who doesn’t give up.”

Mental Illness Struggles Don’t Usually Go Away

Yes, lots of time has passed since the doctor looked me straight in the eyes and declared, your child has a mental illness and needs more help than you can give.” 

I have learned skills and adjusted to a new normal repeatedly. However, as we all know, as moms, when our child hurts, so do we. And the struggles from mental illness are ongoing and have turned our expectations of what we thought Mother’s Day would look like upside down. Let’s look at what makes the day hard before we move on to how important it is to celebrate. 

The Unique Challenges of Mother’s Day When Your Child Has a Mental Illness

Mother’s Day can be a joyful celebration of the love and connection between a mother and child. However, unique challenges can be associated with the day when you love and care for a son or daughter with a mental illness. It’s important to recognize and address these challenges to ensure that the day is still a positive experience for you and your child.

The Emotional Toll

One challenge can be heightened emotions that lurk beneath the surface for us and our loved ones. We will have some feelings as we manage unmet expectations, milestones not met, empty chairs around the table, isolation, and unexpected circumstances. After all, wasn’t this supposed to be a day about motherhood? It isn’t unusual for frustrations, shame, guilt, sadness, and loneliness to rise. These factors can make it challenging to enjoy the day and feel appreciated fully for our roles as mothers, but they do not make it impossible.

Go ahead and allow yourself to feel and validate your feelings so that joy can enter, too. Remember, two conflicting emotions can exist at the same time. One does not have to cancel the other out. 

Stress From the Day

Another challenge can be the stress that comes with the day, sometimes exacerbated by the pressure to make the day special for siblings and our mothers—coupled with a day that looks and feels different for our loved ones.

Communicating with your child and setting reasonable expectations for the day is essential. Remember that it’s okay if everything doesn’t go perfectly—what’s most important is spending quality time together, and a scaled-down plan might be best.

Expectations of Others

Another challenge can be navigating the expectations of others. Mother’s Day can be a time when families come together, and it’s possible that other family members may not fully understand your child’s mental illness. 

Communicating your needs and boundaries with others and advocating for your child if necessary is essential.

Weariness

Oh, momma, I see you; how hard you’re working to keep it together to help your child find a life worth living. The number of plates you are spinning at once is incredible. I hear your stories like this, sweet momma.

Julie started her Mother’s Day like many nights in the wee morning hours, with her adult son bursting into her room sobbing uncontrollably and shuffling his feet. She quickly fumbled for the light and clicked it on as he pulled up his sleeves to show her his pain. Her heart broke as she held him and tried to reassure him the pain wouldn’t last forever. 

Night after night, we often put our children’s needs first, leaving us sleep-deprived and challenged to enjoy our day. Momma, please find a way to put God first in your life and work in a nap today.

Lack of Appreciation

Not only do you tirelessly give, but the help often seems unappreciated or even met with anger or agitation. Shame, embarrassment, and illness may be getting in the way of your child’s ability to express their appreciation. 

Hang in there, Mom; perhaps you will get that thank you one day, and I love you from your child, I did. But even if you don’t, remember God sees you and appreciates all you do, big and small, and He deeply loves you and your child. 

It’s essential to acknowledge and validate these challenges and know that celebrating Mother’s Day can still benefit us. We can live extraordinary lives despite the challenges our loved ones face. 

The Benefits of Celebrating Mother’s Day 

One way to help make your day the best it can be is to focus on the benefits of celebrating this day. It may seem counterintuitive, but taking the time to celebrate can help boost your resilience and strengthen your relationship with your son or daughter.

Build Resilience Through Celebration

By taking the time to celebrate, you are creating positive memories and showing your family that you are committed to finding joy in life, even under challenging circumstances. You are modeling a tool we all need. 

It adds a Little Normalcy.

Celebrating Mother’s Day can also give your family routine a sense of normalcy. When life is chaotic and unpredictable, having a day set aside to celebrate can give everyone a break and a chance to recharge. Plus, keeping to traditions can help create stability in your family and provide a foundation for resilience.

While it may be tempting to skip Mother’s Day altogether, it’s essential to take the opportunity to celebrate. Whether it’s a small gesture like breakfast in bed or a more elaborate event like a family outing, taking the time to acknowledge the day can make a big difference in your well-being and your child’s.

Remember, your Mother’s Day celebration can look different than those around you. 

You Matter

By celebrating Mother’s Day, you teach others that you matter too. It demonstrates self-respect and care for yourself. Your day may include time away for rest and restoration. After all, when you are in a better place emotionally, you are better equipped to handle the challenges of caring for a child with mental illness.

A Time to Celebrate Your Progress

Celebrating Mother’s Day can be a time to reflect on the progress you’ve made together and individually. Acknowledging the positive will help to create an atmosphere that encourages open communication. But don’t stop there; take a moment to validate yourself and how far you have come. You are amazing and are worth celebrating.

Finally, try to focus on the positive aspects of the day and keep the focus on love and connection. 

What other benefits do you see when choosing not to skip Mother’s Day?

Practical Tips for Celebrating Mother’s Day

One helpful tip for celebrating Mother’s Day when your child has a mental illness is to focus on what works best for you and your family. Your day can look different than everyone else’s.

Difficult But Not Impossible

Although it may be difficult to imagine celebrating Mother’s Day when your child is struggling with mental illness, it can be a powerful way to build resilience, improve communication, and strengthen your bond. We can make the most of the occasion by recognizing the challenges and benefits of celebrating this special day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms out there and to those who support them. God had a purpose in choosing you for this unique role, and I hope you recognize how special you truly are. Remember that God sees all the love and sacrifices you make every day.

Embracing Faith & Mental Illness Community

Embracing Faith & Mental Illness is a Christ-centered online community for people who care for someone with a mental illness. We have four unique ways for caregivers to participate. You choose what works best for you.

Click here to discover four unique ways for caregivers to participate.

We would love to have you join our community.

Embracing the Unexpected | Maree Dee

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