Are your circumstances getting the best of you when it comes to marriage?  It is easy to let our current situation take priority over our husbands. It is a dangerous road to go down.

Please welcome my friend Sheila Qualls who blogs over at The Not So Excellent Wife. It is an honor to have her as our guest today to talk about Marriage and Circumstances. You will want to visit her site where you will find posts full of wisdom, humor, and love.

 

Marriage and Circumstances

Guest Post by Sheila Qualls

 

I can be mean. When what I expect and what I get don’t match up, I can get pretty ticked off.

Like when my kids were small, and my husband worked long, long hours and I was home with the four of them– 6 and under—All. Day. Long. I’d had a career. Now I was home raising babies. Not what I’d expected.

So, I was not a happy girl. And, if I wasn’t happy, no one was going to be happy.

I let my circumstances color my view of life, which made things hard on everyone around me, especially my husband.

At that time, I didn’t think I had a choice. I felt like a diaper changing, nose-wiping, milk-producing, operating-like-you’re-single-but-you’re-not domestic slave.

I wish I could’ve been the kind of woman who’d taken a more loving view.

Instead of being a witch, I wish I’d been warm.

Instead of being cranky, I wish I’d been caring.

When he walked through the door at the end of a long day, I wish I’d said, “I’m so glad to see you” instead of “What in the heck took you so long to get home?”

When he came to bed at night, I wish I’d said, I’m looking forward to spending time with you instead of, “Don’t even think about it, Buddy.”

I could’ve chosen to look at those circumstances through a more loving lens.

When we’re in difficult circumstances, we can learn to respond in a way that’s God-honoring.

When I’m in a hard circumstance, sometimes honoring God is the last thing on my mind.

I’m probably not the only one who’s ever felt this way.

• Maybe you’re having a hard time being content in your circumstance right now.
• Are you hiding a difficult or painful marriage behind a smile?
• Do you think you’d be better off married to someone else?
• Maybe you think your neighbor’s marriage is so much better than yours.

When a situation is hard, it’s easy to focus on my circumstance instead of on God.

Some of you are experiencing circumstances in your marriage I’ve never experienced. I’d never presume to tell you what to think of feel in those circumstances because I haven’t lived them.

But I do know what it’s like to fantasize about divorce and to lose a job and to have financial struggles. I know what it’s like to be in a car accident that almost destroys my family and leaves one of my children with a permanent brain injury.

I know what it’s like to have dyslexic children. I know what it’s to be in the throes of raising my kids and having to take care of my elderly parents.

In my circumstances, I’ve come to realize I can learn to respond to them differently.

Usually, the circumstance, even as painful as it is, isn’t my biggest problem. Everyone has bad circumstances at some time. Some people are born into bad circumstances.

The issue is how I choose to view the circumstance. I can view it my way, or I see it God’s way.

The Apostle Paul had it right. He’d seen hard times. He’d been imprisoned, beaten and persecuted.

Yet he said in Philippians 4:12-13, 

Notice Paul says he’s learned the secret of being content, which means it wasn’t a cakewalk. That was the way he had chosen to view life.

Which means it took some effort. But Paul’s words are a huge clue to us. If he learned how to be content, we could learn it, too.

Paul knew the very nature of being content in our circumstances is honoring to God because He allowed the circumstances.

So, when I complain about my situation, I’m complaining about God.

I’d like to be more like Paul. But when life gets hard, I get short-sighted.

I don’t think about the big picture.

But the big picture is so important. It shapes our view of life. And the way we view life is the way we do life.

Will you put effort into learning how to be content?

In 32 years of marriage, I’ve let my “circumstances” get the best of me on more than one occasion. I’ve had more than a few unkind words for my husband.

When we focus on our husbands or our house or our family or our finances or our career or our kids– instead of on God—we’ll never be content.

I’m learning I don’t have to let my circumstances get the best of me. And neither do you.

If we want to honor God, He’ll teach us a new way, if we let Him.

He uses these hard places in our lives to draw us closer to Him.

He’ll teach us how to view life, and He’ll teach us how to do life.

---

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be. She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

 

---

We would love to have you join our community.

Embracing the Unexpected | Maree Dee

Subscribe today and never miss a post!

---