Do you always listen to that voice inside of you?

The cold water rushed up into our faces as we tried to understand what had just happened. I first started working to gather my belongings, then quickly looked around counting one child two, oh my gosh where is my third child.

He is missing!

I let out a blood-curdling scream from the depths of my soul. I am sure it was heard for miles and miles. You know that scream that could only come from a mother when one of her children is missing.

E T H A N   — WHERE IS ETHAN?

Our belongings were all around us. Towels were floating, snacks, books, and bags all floating but no Ethan. The boat was upside down. My precious son was nowhere to be found. We all came up, but he didn’t. I kept saying over and over in my mind; this can’t be happening; this must be a nightmare.

His short life of seven years flashed before my eyes. Again, counting, one, two. Where was number three? My mind couldn’t grasp the reality of the situation. No way, how could I have let this happen? I knew better we were avid boaters on the lake. We never allow our children get into our boat without a life jacket.

But today we were on the ocean. We were not in charge. It was a simple little ride from the Big Boat to the Shore, or so we thought. The dingy boat hardly picked up speed, and the waves seemed pretty tame. Of course, we were in unfamiliar waters and assumed the Captain knew what he was talking about when he boldly stated with such authority. “No worries; no life jackets needed. Our girls, never wear them, never need them. Kids can swim, right?” We replied, “Yes, excellent swimmers.”

It Was the Biggest Mistake I Had Ever Made.

Never in my life did I consider me to be a person who goes with the crowd. Many times in the past I stood STRONG in a crowd ridiculed for not going along. I am a woman of strength, yes, a rule follower yet a woman that can think on her own. I usually listen to that inner voice, which I call GOD. But to my surprise on this particular day when it mattered most, I wasn’t paying attention to that small voice inside of me. I wasn’t going with what I knew to be true.

My children needed life jackets.

The dingy was upside down; I just kept screaming, “WHERE IS ETHAN,” “Where is ETHAN?

Ethan was the last and final baby in our family; he completed us. He made us a family of five. We all needed him; I needed him. Each of my children had their unique qualities; he was our ray of sunshine. His sisters adored him and doted on him. The flashes of him kept coming; the day he was born, his first step, the magical sound of his first mama spoken, his first day of school, his first bike ride, the time he insisted at three to water ski just like Daddy. How could I have let this happen? It is true, sometimes in those moments, life does flash before your eyes, and that day it was is a mixture of complete joy and pain. His precious life was blazing fast.

The sheer fear took over; it was as if someone had taken a knife and split my heart open. I kept scanning the horizon and no Ethan. I frantically pushed at items to find him in the water.

It was an unexpected nightmare.

It was probably only a few seconds, but it felt like time was standing still. My husband went into quick fix it mode and tried to flip the dingy boat over. We all frantically joined in, but we couldn’t get the boat over. It was as if it had sealed shut and it was quickly being pulled out to sea.

Then out of nowhere, Ethan’s little head popped up right next to us. There he was, our precious little man standing strong. He had come up many times under the vessel to breathe in the pocket of air. After a few attempts, he finally accomplished swimming down, out, and up.   Of course in his usual manner, he wondered what the heck the fuss was all about. I grabbed him and held him tight and thanked the Lord for his precious life.

The waves were crashing on the shore, our stuff all a muck. Possessions were lost, but our precious cargo was intact. All five of us were safe! We were the lucky ones that day. It could have turned out quite differently.

To this day, I am haunted by the thought of what could have happened? Thankfully it didn’t. I will never understand how I got caught up on that particular day and did not listen to that voice inside. It has helped me to judge others less and to listen carefully to the voice inside.

Four things I learned:

1. Trust your instinct
2. STOP – Breathe in and take a minute when something rings wrong in your mind
3. Seek God’s wisdom
4. Judge less, we all are but a decision away from making a tragic mistake. 

Do you always listen to that voice inside of you?

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