Sitting in my comfortable chair outside, listening to the birds chirp, I think life today is not bad. My day feels smooth, easy, and comfortable. Relishing in the fact that right now, school is starting for the new year, and it is no longer a part of my world. I consciously ignore those old feelings of what it was like struggling to get a child to school. I say to myself, “Not this year; it is my turn to avoid the feelings of the first day back to school,” or so I think.
An Interruption
My thoughts of bliss are quickly interrupted by the shrill sound of a child’s cries from afar. I surprise myself at how quickly the old feelings well up. My heart begins to beat faster, and my mind starts racing. Oh, that out-of-control sound. I wonder, will it rise to uncontrollable, or will it be a short quick outburst?
Change is Hard
I know change can be hard for anyone. However, add mental health issues to the first day of a new school year, and life can turn upside down in a second. How quickly we can be caught off guard and the anxiety of the moment can escalate to a level that one rarely expects.
The shouting now rings throughout the neighborhood. I don’t know why, but I go to that familiar place of shame. Are the parents worried about what others will think? Are they so consumed now that they don’t care who hears?
A Day of Anxiety, Fear, and Trepidation
Many children and parents find returning to school a tough day. Children with mental health issues have extra challenges to overcome. A new school year may bring anxiety, fear, and trepidation. Additionally, children may have a running conversation in their head: My teacher will hate me, My parents will be mad at me, I don’t like school, I am a failure, Nobody likes me, and so on. My heart hurts for the child in such pain. Oh, how I wish someone could command it away.
Children with mental health issues have extra challenges to overcome when starting back to school. It can be a day filled with anxiety, fear, and trepidation for both the child and the parent. Will you help? Share on XUnderstanding Will Make a Difference
I think back to a time before I understood what I know today. The ignorant things I said to my child, “It will be okay, your teacher is kind, Your teacher will like you, Don’t be silly, of course, you will have friends.” Though they are well-intended and sincere statements, those remarks brought no comfort to a hurting child. It was her pain, not mine. It was a real pain, fear, and suffering that needed to be recognized, accepted, and validated.
Pain, fear, and suffering must be recognized, accepted, and validated, not pushed aside as if it doesn’t exist. #validate #pain Share on XInstead, in my ignorance, I sent a scared little child to school, thinking her feelings were invalid, stupid, and wrong.
I return to the screams and Momma Bear trying to do what is right and get her cub to school. I wonder, did Mom wake up thinking and hoping this was the year when the first day back would be different? Was her armor on, her skill belt tight, ready to face the day? Would she be able to continue to coax patiently on her child amid the hurling accusations aimed at her?
The screaming stops, and I wonder what happened. What worked, or did they shut the window to block out the listening ears like mine?
Ignorance is Not Bliss
I remember before mental illness came to reside—when I stood so proud thinking to myself, I will never have a child that screams at me. After all, I will do it right. I will always be that encouraging mom that coaxes her child lovingly into every difficult situation.”
Oh, how I used to judge those parents ever so harshly. I had all the answers: more discipline, do it like me, tough love, more love, etc.
Offer Understanding Instead of Judgment
But today, I am wiser; I know how challenging it is to coax and patiently prod along anyone who doesn’t want to do something. Adding unique struggles like mental illness only compounds the challenges. These are battles that can’t be wished away or entirely understood. It is hard when school officials breathe down your neck insisting you make your child perform. I know how it feels to stand there and be judged by others that have not walked a mile in my shoes—also, that desperate look from a child that wants you to take their pain away. Yet you push them on to do difficult things, and your heart breaks a little more.
An Apology
From the bottom of my heart, please forgive me for my ignorance, for not knowing the difficult path you walked. I’m so sorry I once judge you. Over the year, through my heartaches, I have learned we never quite know what another is enduring.
We have no idea until we try to walk in someone else’s shoes. I applaud all of you parents struggling on that first day back to school. I encourage you to keep pushing, learning new skills, and fighting for what is best for your child.
To All Parent Warriors
When the stares from others begin, the judgments fly, and the shame rises. Ignore it all because you love and care for your child in a way that most will never know or understand. #mentalillness #school #firstday Share on X
Perhaps, today you didn’t use your skills or handle the situation well, don’t beat yourself up. I am sure you will have more opportunities to try again.
If you are not a mom that struggles with getting a child to school, seek out the mom who is struggling. Find a way to help her. Offer encouragement instead of judgment and advice. Share on XWhat struggles have you experienced in starting back to school with your child?
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness Community
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness is a Christ-centered online community for people who care for someone with a mental illness. We have four unique ways for caregivers to participate. You choose what works best for you.
Click here to discover four unique ways for caregivers to participate.
Upcoming Talk: When Your Loved One Has a Mental Illness Is Change Possible?
Feeling stuck, discouraged, or unsure if things can ever improve? This talk is for you. Maree Dee, Founder of Embracing Faith & Mental Illness, invites you to explore:
- Practical tools to help you move forward with renewed hope.
- Steps to take when progress feels out of reach.
- How small changes can lead to meaningful breakthroughs.
Join us for this inspiring session via Zoom on Saturday, January 4, 2025, at 9:00 AM (Mountain Time).
They say hindsight is 20/20. There are so many judgments I would have never voiced, so many kind words I would have said. But I can’t live in regret. I can make a change in my behavior now!
Anita – Absolutely, I feel the same way. All we can do is move forward with a changed mindset on judgments. Thank you for your honesty. Blessings, Maree
Thank you for your wisdom. I was blessed to not experience too many first day struggles with my sons. However, as a teacher my heart broke a little bit each year when that one student arrived at my classroom door totally terrified and anxious as to what would be inside. Thank you for these kind words for parents.
Mary – I wish you had been my children’s teacher. They would have been so blessed to have you. We did have some kind-hearted ones, but that wasn’t always the case when special needs arose. I hope you are enjoying your weekend. Blessings, Maree
I am not one who has to get a child off to school this August either, but my heart still aches for those who struggle. I think it’s more difficult than ever for a child with mental (or physical) issues. The pressure to “be like everyone else” is strong. The world is so unforgiving and can be isolating to those who don’t fit its ideal mold.
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Patsy, I agree this world can be so unforgiving at times. Thank you for sharing. Maree
Oh friend, Mental illness is so complicated and misunderstood, even by those close to it. I pray you have found people who are brave enough to sit with you in the hard places and walk it out with you and your daughter.
My 14 year old brother is currently in a residential program for mental illness. Hard is not the word. Knowing he is safe makes it easier, but it is still so hard.
Praying for grace in the hard places and love that sees through the diagnosis.
Becky – Thank you for sharing. I am praying for your brother and you right now. Yes, it is hard, and you are right that word doesn’t even fit. I am so glad he is getting the help he needs. I hope you and your family are too. I believe mental health challenges need to be tackled as a family. It impacts everyone.
Yes, I do have brave people to walk alongside me. It was one of the first things I did. I do life with teams. Then after I got my feet wet I extended that support to others through this blog, a support ministry at our church, and teaching classes to families. Please do not hesitate ever to send me a private email if I can be of any help or support. Email is maree.dee@www.embracingtheunexpected.com
Prayers for your family,
Maree
What wonderfully wise words from a mom who has walked the walk. May we all put ourselves in the shoes of the child and the mom experiencing stress and provide comfort. Many blessings to you!
Beth,
Thank you for your beautiful words. We just have no idea what another is going through or what it feels like to be in their shoes, but we must try. May you have a blessed day today. Maree
Parenting is such a great learning tool. God gives each of us different little souls to watch over and teach us different lessons. Some women who choose not to or cannot have children will learn another way of God’s choosing. I have learned more love than I thought possible, patience beyond measure and so much more. An older friend of mine was laughing just the other day. I was discussing some of the difficulty of having a teen daughter and some of the arguments we had. She was almost in tears laughing. I finally said, “what is so funny?’ She replied, “and here I thought it was bad my son wants to help weed the flowers at 4 am before the deer arrive and walk in them. that’s the kind of things we argued about as I tried to rush him back to bed. Here you are arguing about homework, sports, college, and choosing good friends.” She continued laughing as though suddenly she realized that because her son would likely always live with her, she was never going to have those arguments and a part of her was sad, but a part of her very grateful. She said, I never had to worry where my son was at 4 am. If he wasn’t in his bed, he was out picking my weeds and flowers!
Deanna,
Thank you for sharing your story. It made me laugh and reminded me to stop and take a moment right now to count my blessings even in the midst of difficulties. Blessings to you, Maree
Beautiful words Maree. I have a dear friend who needs prayer with her child that suffers from mental illness. Her struggles are real. Your words remind me of Luke: 1:78-80 (GW), “A new day will dawn on us from above because our God is loving and merciful. He will give light to those who live in the dark and in death’s shadow.
He will guide us into the way of peace.”
Robin – I am praying for your dear friend right now as I send this comment back to you. She is blessed to have you for a friend that will lift her up in prayer. Please do not hesitate to give her my email maree.dee@www.embracingtheunexpected.com if she ever wants another friend that will lift her too in prayer or just someone to chat with that understands the struggle. Blessings, Maree
Love the verse you picked – I am going to post it right now on my Instagram. Thank you!
Maree Dee, I really can’t believe how similar we are. This post could have been written by me. “You love and care for your child in a way that most will never know or understand.” Truth!
Stephanie – Spoken from a mom that gets it. You might enjoy my post this Thursday. It has nothing to do with mental health challenges but a story about when my baby went to Kindergarten. I fiercely love every one of my children. Hope you have a blessed week, Maree
Thank you for this article! Any suggestions on how a teacher can help this process when things are difficult saying goodbye at the classroom door?
You are so sweet to ask. I should write a post on just that. Yes, I do have suggestions. For the child: Push beyond their tough exterior. If they are pushing you away, keep trying. They could be so afraid you will never like them. So scared of rejection that they attempt to reject you first. For the Momma reassurance that you will not stop trying with their kiddo. Validate, Validate Validate both the momma and the child. Thank you for stopping by. I have no doubt you are an amazing teacher. Maree
Maree- We start back on the 5th of Sept and everyone has butterflies in their stomachs! Thank you for explaining the feelings and what surrounds going back to school for those with special needs kids.
I’m appreciative of your advice to encourage and help other moms who look like they needs some TLC.
Visiting from #ChasingCommunity
Julie,
Yes, starting back to school can create a flurry of butterflies for everyone. I am sure any mom would be blessed to have a little encouragement from you. Sending prayers as I hit reply for a successful start to the new school year for your family.
My little starts back to school in a little over a week. He is nervous about the first grade, poor baby. I keep telling him that it will be alright, but I think I will approach it a little differently today when I see him. Thanks for the sweet reminder. Lovely read!
Kristen – You are so welcome. Praying for your little as he starts school next week. I hope the new approach work. I have found in life we all just want to be heard.