Are you gripping your plans so tightly that you’re not allowing God to work out His purpose for your life? You are not alone. I have been there all too often. Sometimes we refuse to loosen our grip because it feels like giving up. Perhaps it is time to surrender your unfulfilled expectations to God.
Call me naive, idealistic, or prideful; I have earned it with my faulty assumptions. In my earlier years, I thought once life was under my control, it would be a straight line to attaining all my heart’s desires. Have you ever entertained similar thoughts?
Yes, my thinking was faulty. I was never in control.
I’m not sure where I picked up this belief because my childhood years never indicated my journey would be predictable or under my control. However, I chose to ignore the truth and spend a lot of energy and time living in denial. Even scripture points us to the fact that God’s plans will prevail.
Although our hopes may be reasonable and nothing out of the ordinary - life never seems to go as forecasted. #unfulfilledexpectations #expectations Share on X“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21
Healthy Expectations
I can almost hear your shouts – “But I thought expectations were healthy?” Yes, of course, they are. It is good to strive for something that seems unreachable and to have a standard of excellence that makes God proud. However, we must make sure these expectations fall within God’s plan, not solely our own.
But at the same time, life is unpredictable, and sometimes even our realistic predictions don’t come true. And when that happens, we are left holding on to a broken design that is painful, disappointing, and frustrating. Left ignored, it will create more suffering. I know it has happened to me.
I thought life would be different at this stage in life. Never in a million years did I think we would be a family struggling with mental health challenges, unable to wish them away or fix them. Nor did I ever think my children wouldn’t hit the same milestones as their friends.
As I venture on to Facebook this time of year, the sting of reality sometimes penetrates deep down to a painful place. The chatter of missed graduation celebrations, postponed weddings, and moms are worrying about the upcoming empty nest. Yet, I find myself pondering will my adult child ever live independently or have a life they feel is worth living? I not only live with my unaccomplished dreams, but I see the pain in my child’s eyes as each friend hits another milestone.
God made us with feelings, and when our reality doesn’t match up to what we thought it would be, it hurts. Not for one minute do we need to compare and measure our losses with another. All pain matters and is worth acknowledging.
It is painful when expectations don't come to fruition and even harder when you watch those you love struggling with their own unmet expectations. Share on X
What about you, what expectations have you not attained? What do you do with those thoughts? Do you ignore them, pretend they don’t exist, cover them with positive thinking, or surrender them to God?
Why Do We Need To Surrender Our Unfulfilled Expectations?
Helps to Embrace Life
Letting go of the life we planned helps us to embrace the one we have. When we hang on tightly to our plans as if it is what we deserve, our world can become negative – full of sadness, anger, and disappointment.
Reduces Our Suffering
Holding on to this pain of unrealized expectations and refusing to accept our reality will only cause us more suffering.
Guards Against Bitterness
Plus, surrendering our unfulfilled expectations to God will help to guard against bitterness taking root. After all, don’t you want to be a friend who can recognize and cheer others on even when your circumstances are different? Or lend support when their expectations create a loss?
It is easy to turn and compare our lives to others and lose our joy along the way. Envy quickly leads to resentment, and bitterness follows closely behind. #comparing #bitterness #resentment Share on X
We Want God’s Plan
The Lord’s purpose is what we ultimately want! However, when our plan doesn’t align with His will, it can be a significant stumbling block along the path.
Why Is it So Hard to Surrender Our Unfulfilled Expectations?
We Don’t Give Up
If you live by the motto – “Never Give Up,” it is difficult even to fathom letting go of unfulfilled expectations. It seems wrong and counterproductive as if a change will never happen.
Not for one minute does surrender ever mean change is not possible. #surrender #expectations Share on X
Wishing Life Was Different
Maybe, like me, lately, you have found yourself wishing life was different. It feels scary to let those words out. We wonder, does it mean we aren’t grateful for what we have? We worry, will people misunderstand us? Or, does it mean our faith is weak?
We wish life were different! But all the wishing in the world won't change the reality. Our expectations have gone unmet, and a loss has occurred. #loss #unfulfilledexpectations Share on X
Click here to read a post on “Wishing Things Were Different.”
We Don’t Grieve
Underneath the unrealized expectations are losses. Many times these wounds aren’t recognized by the world, which makes grieving more complicated. However, to move forward, we need to acknowledge our hurts and mourn them. They are real!
Of course, feeling sad, disappointed, and frustrated is a normal reaction to unfulfilled expectations. And there is no better place to land than in the arms of God. #unfulfilled expectations #God Share on X
For a little extra help on grieving our losses, click here.
Five Steps to Surrender Your Unfulfilled Expectations to God
As you sit at the feet of Jesus, walk through the following steps allowing God to guide, comfort, and love you.
Step 1: Accept What Is
Ask God to help you accept your reality as it is today. All the wishing and pretending won’t make it different.
Step 2: Cry Out to God
We can’t be afraid to put words to our feelings and voice them to God. He can handle any emotions we might have. After all, God created us, and He already knows what is in our hearts.
Step 3: Mourn With Jesus
Pour out your heart to God. He understands our pain. He will comfort us in our sorrow.
Step 4: Trust God
Put your full trust in the Lord.
Step 5: Pray a Prayer of Surrender
Lord,
Today my heart is heavy because my life hasn’t turned out as planned. Please surround me with your grace and love. Let me feel your presence as I mourn my loss.
Forgive me if I once again made plans without your will in mind. I do want your will.
Lord, with hands, opened up I release my unfulfilled expectations to you. I know you have a plan for my life that is good and not meant to harm me. Please help me to trust you every step of the way. I know you are a powerful and good God that will bring good out of any circumstance.
I love you, Lord,
Amen
What’s Next After Letting Go?
Remember
God never promised the life of a Christian would be pain-free or comfortable. Quite the contrary. However, He has guaranteed He will make all things work together for good. Trust Him.
“ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
He has also promised we will never be alone.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Keep Surrendering
Many days late in the afternoon, when the sun is setting and the day has left me weary, I find myself wrestling once again with my unmet expectations. But it’s okay God is near, He understands and is always ready for us to surrender again. We will have to let go over and over again.
Find Peace
As long as we stay within the guardrails of God’s presence, we will find peace.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 NIV
Count Your Blessings
Be sure to count those blessings and thank the Lord. God is good, and He knows what is best for us. He will bless you beyond any unfulfilled expectations you might have.
For most of us, life looks quite different from what we dreamed it would look like today. There have been unexpected twists and turns. As you begin to surrender to God and live in the present moment, be prepared to start seeing blessings galore hiding beneath those unfulfilled expectations.
It would be an honor to pray for you today. What unfulfilled expectation do you need to surrender to God?
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Embracing the Unexpected | Maree Dee
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Thank you for this encouraging post! I related to so much of what you shared, especially as someone with chronic illness. This is definitely a post I will be returning to as I continue to surrender my expectations to God.
Cassie,
I am so glad this post spoke to you. It must be so hard to live with chronic illness. I am a big baby when it comes to not feeling well. Maree
This is a very touching post and packed with good advice. I, too, must surrender daily the life I thought I’d be living by now. Thanks for acknowledging there is grief for where you are and where you won’t ever be. Learning to surrender doesn’t mean something bad or less. It just means something different and unexpected. But God knew it all before we did. I’m trying to embrace His plan day by day. Be encouraged, as you encourage others.
Suzette,
Thank you for your words. They are so comforting – “Learning to surrender doesn’t mean something bad or less.” This is so true. I, too, am trying to embrace God’s plan daily. Maree
Maree,
Mental illness has wreaked havoc in our family as well. Who grows up expecting mental illness to infiltrate your life?? I also have a daughter who has unmet expectations in her life and has chosen to take it out on me (it’s easier to blame than to look inward and surrender). All of this keeps me leaning on the Lord constantly and declaring my dependence upon Him. Giving ourselves room to grieve what isn’t is important as is cultivating an “attitude of gratitude.” All great godly advice!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Bev,
Yes, gratitude is so important too. It is like putting salve onto a wound.
Maree
This is one of the hardest things to grasp in life, but one of the things that ushers in the most peace.
Lauren,
I couldn’t agree more with you. You said it well, “This is one of the hardest things to grasp in life, but one of the things that ushers in the most peace.”
Maree
I love Eph 3:20 – the clarion call to the abundance in God’s more than we expect expectations. To grieve unmet ones is part of the process of understanding that he’s got it and me under control, no matter what. Perhaps it all comes down to trusting that He loves me more than I love what I want for me. Maybe we need a hashtag for nomatterwhat.
Yes, a hashtag would be perfect. I love what you said, “He loves me more than I love what I want for me.”
This post was very inspiring and helpful to me. I have or will send it to others.
It might also be helpful printed in a booklet to hand out to people, when that would be needed and be a better fit.
Shirley,
Thank you. I am so glad you found this post inspiring. The suggestion you made was fantastic. I will see what I can do. Right now, I am in the process of writing a book about loss and grief, and you have encouraged me to incorporate these words into it. But I will also think about how I can do a booklet.
I hope you are doing well. I miss seeing you.
Maree
Hi Maree,
Unfulfilled Expectations?
I would say that I have a few. First I would say that I expect God to be here for me, but it doesn’t appear He is keeping that promise. There is an expectation that God would help me help poor people, according to His word. I also have the expectation that God will give a YES to my prayers, so far none have been answered.( as far as I can tell)
How about the expectation that God would communicate in a manner that I can understand. I could go on, but the list would be very long, and probably be just as irrelevant as the rest of of this existence. Thanks Maree and God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen.
Kenneth,
It is so hard when we don’t feel God’s with us. I am praying you to feel His presence today! Maree
Excellent points. I can identify with all of this. Thank you!
You are so welcome. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I love hearing from you. Maree
Thank you, Maree. I’m right there with you and I needed these words today.
Peace and grace,
Tammy
Tammy – Thank you for your encouraging comment. It is always nice to know we are not alone. I am glad my words were helpful. Maree
excellent encouragement here. I have pinned and scheduled this post.
Mandy, Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you. I am so glad you found this post encouraging. Blessings, Maree