Is unconditional love even possible? After all, who can show such devotion without strings and offer it freely with nothing expected in return? Perhaps only the Lord is capable of this kind of love. Or is there a way to express this kind of affection?
As I often did, I stood outside the door of the mental health treatment center—trying to prepare myself for what would occur. Pondering, had I made a mistake? Was I wrong to come yet again? The voices of so many people ringing in my ears—
“Why do you go? She doesn’t want you. Why do you put yourself through such pain? Let her long for you. Or tough love is what she needs.”
Their words left me frazzled; was this too painful to endure? Does my presence even help? Is unconditional love even possible?
Love Hurts Sometimes
I hesitate before pushing the buzzer as my thoughts consume me. Am I a fool for coming back time after time? After all, who wants to be where one is not welcome?
Hesitating for a second, I remember God entrusted this child to me. I must not give up; after all, He never gave up on me.
When God entrusts us with a child, we must not give up. #nevergiveup #unconditionallove Share on XI ring the buzzer, and I wait. Oh, how I appreciate this locked door and the time it takes for someone to unlock it. It gives me a few minutes to gather my thoughts and cry out to God before stepping through the doorway. I close my eyes for a moment and whisper a prayer to Jesus.
My Prayer
Lord,
I am asking for your help today. Please fill me with your love, strength, and words from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes. I need your guidance to deal with insults and meanness that may come my way. I pray that I can see my child’s pain and illness and not be affected by her words or behavior. to the bottom of my toes with your love, strength, and words. Let the insults and meanness that will come my way roll right off. Let me see my child’s pain, her illness, not her words or behavior.
Give me the ability to love my child as you would. Because Lord, I don’t know how to do it independently from you. Let me be the vessel where your love flows through to reach my loved one.
Jesus, give me the strength and ability to be the mom my child needs. Help me reach my loved one so she knows she is not alone. I will never give up on her, and she is deeply loved.
Amen, Maree
Is Unconditional Love Natural
I always thought a mother naturally had unconditional love for her child. She takes her new baby in her arms, and her heart fills with love, which is unimaginable. It sure felt like this was love with no conditions—a love that would never give up and one that would come easy.
Some Give Up
As I walk through the center, my heart breaks as the children reach for me, the closest substitute to a mother’s love. I blink back wet, salty tears as they share, “My momma never visits anymore.” Strangely, I understand the parents stepping back, and I no longer find fault or judge them as mean. Loving someone with a mental illness can be heartbreaking.
I whisper, Lord, “Please give me the strength never to give up. I can’t do this alone.”
Unconditional love is hard! It is a choice we must make over and over again. It isn't easy to buck up when you see no glimpse of hope, no reassurance, no accolades, no reciprocation. Share on XI have found unconditional love only possible with God. Loving this way takes a strength I do not possess alone.
We love because He first loved us. (I John 4:19 NIV)
As I visited this treatment center, week after week, month after month, I received no confirmation that my love was received or appreciated. Yet, I began to grasp unconditional love—it is all about giving without expectation.
I’m in awe of the gift of the unconditional love our Lord continues to bestow on us. He loves us no matter what.
It wasn’t me who showed up alone each time; instead, God’s strength was what prevailed. I was utterly incapable of loving another person with this kind of love on my own. After all, our instinct is to strike back or withdraw when someone strikes out at us. Instead, I allowed God to fill me with a desire to reach for unconditional love. Of course, I failed many times, but I didn’t let that stop me.
You will fail at loving unconditionally, but rest assured God won’t. #unconditionallove #love Share on XOf course, there are moments when the well runs dry. Those times when our words or actions come out harsh or defensive. A time when our humanness comes out, and we get in the way. Sometimes it means we need to step back and take a rest.
On those particular nights, I squeeze my eyes tight as I drift off to sleep and remember these verses—
Pure Unconditional Love
I do not think unconditional love is natural or humanly possible on our own. We tend to put many conditions, judgments, and expectations on our love for others. However, we can get closer to this kind of love by consciously choosing to love others in this manner. We can strive to attain it, and the closer we get, the purer our love will become.
Be thankful if God has trusted you to love someone with unconditional love. It is an experience that will be both painful and rewarding. You will find the true meaning of love, and it will change you forever. Share on XAfter a year, the words I longed to hear were spoken—
“I love you, Mom.”
Words that took on a new meaning and made every effort taken well worth it.
Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
—Harriet Beecher Stowe
Do you think unconditional love is possible? How have you experienced it?
Be sure to read, “10 Steps To Loving Unconditionally.”
For further resources, please be sure to visit: Mental Health Resources.
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness Community
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness is a Christ-centered online community for people who care for someone with a mental illness. We have four unique ways for caregivers to participate. You choose what works best for you.
Click here to discover four unique ways for caregivers to participate.
I have a son with schizoaffective disorder, he is stable on meds. I have a daughter with schizoaffective disorder who is off her meds, refusing them and determined to “control” this disorder. It isn’t working and we see the pain and it is hard and we can’t help because she insists on Boundaries and Trust. But how do you trust when she isn’t truthful so this spoke to me in many ways. I walk beside her and behind her. So when she requests help I will be present hopefully without judgement but it is hard
Oh, Debbie, my heart and prayers go out to you from one mom to another. Honesty and trust are so important in a relationship that I, too, struggle greatly when they are lacking. Plus, my idea of honesty always seems to differ from one of my loved ones.
I love that you said you walk beside and behind her—praying for your precious daughter.
Maree
I think the closest I have ever gotten to unconditional love is the love of a baby. Now it looks like the love of my grandson. God’s love is unconditional but as you said we put conditions on love.
Mary, I bet you are close to unconditional love with your grandson. I look forward to that someday. Maree
I think you’re right, Maree. I don’t think we have it in us humanly speaking. We so need God’s grace to love through us.
Barbara –
Yes, we do need God’s Grace!
Blessings,
Maree
My children are very young, but knowing how to love them can be hard. I actually struggle more right now with unconditional love with friends. I struggle with it less because of push back, but more because of past hurt. But God has been so good to show me that unconditional love, agape love, is worth it. And that even when it is hard, and we don’t want to do it, He gives us the strength to endure. Agape love is sacrificial love, and sometimes the sacrifice is surrendering it to Him. Great post.
Jessica, I am so glad you shared. Yes, unconditional love can be hard when past hurts get in the way. You spoke right to my heart this morning. Thank you for sharing. Maree
You are a quality mother! “The joy of the Lord is my strength” – you are right that you need the Lord in order to show unconditional love. I’ve seen parents give up, as well, who refused HIS strength. Thanks for sharing your story.
Janine,
You are so sweet. Thank you. I, too, have seen many parents give up, and I understand why. However, maybe merely a rest is needed so we can fill back up with God’s love. Blessings, Maree
Maree … i love the prayer you prayed. Only God can help us love well, graciously, without fear or compulsion or other messy emotions.
Linda,
Yes, God is the master at loving us.
Maree
What a beautiful and powerful post, Maree. As parents, we each do need to need to find our own way to love our children. Each child is an individual, made in God’s image. We do our best and, with God’s help, that is all we can do, even though it sometimes seems like we are fumbling around in the darkness.
Laurie – I loved your words. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. You have no idea how much I needed the reminder today that sometimes it feels like we are fumbling in the dark. I will put on my armor today and love. Maree
I believe human love is conditional, agape is unconditional, we draw on Him for that, and still I think there are times we have to back off even walk away and leave some people to heaven.
Absolutely, we do draw on God to love unconditionally. It is possible through him.
It’s so beautiful when we allow God to work His unconditional love through us. Thanks for sharing that testimony. Just beautiful.
Thank you for your encouraging comment. Hope you had a wonderful day! Maree
With God all things are possible! My situation is a little different in that my daughter tells me she loves me and continues to reach out, but for now she has turned her back on God. (She is 33) She also struggles with depression. But I cling to God, knowing that He will continue to love through me and through the rest of the family that always welcomes her. I love her so much and hurt when she hurts and struggles. I will never stop showing her love, because God is my source of love. With Him I have peace that I could not manufacture myself. I must trust that her life is in His hands and that He loves her more. Thank you for sharing your story and showing us that with God we can do more than we thought. And when we mess up and lash out with harsh words, we have a Savior who forgives. I love the passage in Lamentations! “new every morning”
Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at #TrekkingThru
Gayle, Thank you for sharing a little bit of your story. Praying right now for your daughter to turn back to God. The good news is we know he will never stop pursuing her. Yes, it is so hard when our kids hurt, we hurt too. Blessings to you, Maree
Maree, thank you so much for this post. You give me hope.
Laura – I am so glad my post could give you hope. We all need that. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Maree
Hi Mauri,
I just read this today and sobbed as I did. Your words expressed so perfectly EVERYTHING I feel as a mom and how I desperately lean on God. Thank you for all that you do and for sharing — you help me more than words can ever express, as we find our way through this foggy journey. I miss seeing you in our class.
With my warmest love, Gayle (and Michel 🙂
Gayle and Michel, Thank you so much for your supportive words. To know that what I share, teach, or speak on helps in some small way means the world to me. We are on a foggy journey, but it is so nice to be on it with people like the two of you. I miss seeing you too in class. Hope you will join Circles of Hope some time. I will be speaking in April. Maree
I always say I love unconditionally, but I don’t know if it is humanly possible. I had an incident with one of my children, who did something dishonest. I did not feel the same way about him during that time. It really made me question my feelings for him. I do love him and never stopped loving him, but my acceptance and tolerance of him were diminished. Is that unconditional love?
Sheila – I agree I do not think it is humanly possible to love all of the time unconditionally. It is a tricky thing. I can’t say whether you had unconditional love or not only you and God can figure that one out. However, I do believe two things can be true at the same time, and they do not cancel each other out. We can love, and we can still be disappointed or not like what our loved one has done. Acceptance does not mean we like what another person has done, but we accept the person right where they are with all of their blemishes. Just the way God does with us.
I too have been in that place with dishonesty from another. It does damage the relationship and make unconditional love very challenging. If we are called to love others in this way, we must push through it. I wish I could say I have it mastered but I realize I have a ton of work to do in this area. Loving others with God’s kind of love is hard. Maree
We have a bad situation with my brother. I kept being the one he would reach out to, only to have him take his anger out on me. We saw him a few months ago after 4 years or so. Love is hard, but worth it.
I am so happy you got your “I love you!”
Sarah – Thank you, I was happy too when I got it, and every time I hear it. I am so glad you did not give up on your brother. I love hearing stories of how people do not give up on loving others. So true, “love is hard but worth it.” Maree
Thanks for sharing this, Maree. I’m sorry you have been through something so difficult but I love your testimony of God strengthening you and helping you to love. I agree, it’s only possible in God’s strength. Your post encourages me as I have a friend who struggles with mental health issues and it can be very hard to keep loving at times even though I know the way she behaves is mainly due to her illness. I agree, it’s only possible in God’s strength.
Lesley, Yes, it can be hard at times to love those with a mental illness, please do not give up. The rewards are immense. My loved ones are my hero’s. It is a privilege to be given the opportunity to be a part of their journey. You will be blessed right alongside your friends for choosing to love unconditionally.
The truth be told we are all a little difficult at times to love.
I am so glad you stopped by and took the time to leave a comment.
Maree
I agree with you that it is impossible to love unconditionally without God’s love. I’ve been reading C.S. Lewis’ “TILL WE HAVE FACES,” as part of online book study, and have felt so much conviction as it has caused me to examine my own motives for loving. It’s so easy to place my own preferences and judgements onto my ways of loving without even realizing it. But I am so grateful that Jesus does come to dwell within us, and gives us His heart of loving as we open our hearts to Him. I am blessed to be your neighbor over at #TellHisStory this week.
Bettie – Thank you for sharing the book you are reading by C.S. Lewis. I just took a peek at it online, and it looks very good. I couldn’t agree with you more about what you said, “how we place our own preferences and judgments onto the ways we love without even realizing it.” I know I need to work on making sure I tap into God when loving others and do it his way. Thank you for stopping by neighbor. Maree
Your story also show bravery! Which is also something God gives us. Such hope and goodness in this story. Thanks for sharing it reminds me I can also overcome through God and deal with those that are unlovable through Christ!
Yes, with God we an all overcome. Amen
Maree, I wonder the same thing myself and I’ve come to realise that on my own, I don’t love well at all. It’s only through God working in me that I’m able to love others deeply. As for unconditional love, wow, what an upward calling — one that I want to reach.
I pray you will find the strength through God to love, and love, and love some more. It sounds like a lonely road but my hope is that you will find strength for the journey.
Blessings!
Marva | SunSparkleShine
Marva, It was great seeing your comment. I love the “upward calling” statement. Thank you for your prayers, I appreciated them. Yes, the road can be lonely, at times when I fail to reach out. The truth is – I have been so blessed by a community of supporters. Maree
Hello Maree,
I was especially touched by this post. This was beautiful. Yes, we do often hold so many expectations in our relationships. Thank you for that perspective; it is not possible for us to love unconditionally on our own. I have tried many times and failed. We have to keep constantly drawing strength from the Source of Life, in order to manifest a love like this. Wow, so powerful. Hope you are blessed. 🙂
I am so glad my post touched you. So true how the expectations get in the way. Even after writing a post about it I have had a few days of failing at loving unconditionally. I am sure I have been trying on my own instead of tapping into God’s strength and power. The good news is I have a second chance. Thank you for reminding me to draw from our source of life. Maree
I’ve often wondered the answer to this question. I’m grateful we can learn to make strides in this area from the One who never fails to love us so perfectly.
Crystal, I too am so grateful we can learn from God. I find myself going back to “What would Jesus do.” I know that is an old statement that used to teach my children but I still use it. Thank you for adding your wisdom to the comments. Maree
Beautiful touching post. Following you from Laura Davis.
I love the quote: Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. – Harriet Beecher Stowe
Just drew a picture of Uncle Tom’s cabin. Thinking of those abused. #humandignity #humantrafficking.
Blessings,
Janis
Janis, Thank you for stopping by and leaving such an encouraging comment. I too love that quote. I have seen many a tide turn when it seemed hopeless. Blessing to you, Maree
Maree, Thank you for this. Our daughter rejected us 12 years ago. We will never stop loving her. Every day, like the prodigal father, I’m watching and waiting confident God is at work. Thanks for your encouragement. God’s blessings!
Deb, My heart hurts for you for the rejection with your daughter. I am sending prayers up right now. I am so glad you will never stop loving her. I have no doubt God is at work. I have seen him move in relationships that had little hope. Maree
These words were exactly what my heart needed to hear. I needed to hear about real people loving God and still living for Him even when things don’t look beautiful or lovely. My prayers recently were, ” I write about grace, hope and love, and faithfulness…and I believe EVERY one of them. Even when it doesn’t look like you are working on the outside, you give me glimpses…” That is where I want to start today’ s prayer,looking at the glimpses that He has provided as a ray of hope shining into His faithfulness. Thank you for this transparency. My momma heart needed this grace seed.
Blessings,
Dawn
Dawn, I am so glad my words spoke to your heart. I am with you I love it when God gives us glimpses that he is working. Maree
Thank you. ❤🙏🏻
I needed this.
Pam
Pam – I am so glad it was just what you needed. Thank you for letting me know. Maree
Wow, Maree. ((Hug)) Thank you for vulnerably sharing this testimony. Thankful the Lord restored your and your daughter’s relationship. Isn’t it such a hard thing when our children struggle? The other day, my husband and I were talking about one of our adult sons about how — the times when they’re the hardest to deal with are the times when they need us the most. So, we hang in. 🙂 Beautiful testimony of hope, restoration and grace. Thank you for sharing with #ChasingCommunity today. 🙂 ((hug))
Brenda – What you said is so true about when they are struggling they need us the most. I had a great support system to help me hang in there. Thank you for hosting #chasingcommunity. Maree
Maree I have felt this pain and sometimes still do. Keep persevering. God is in control. That is what I hold onto daily. You are a good mom and God will give you the strength to keep visiting. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Janet, Thank you for sharing your pain too. We have to stick together and persevere. You are so right God is in control. God was good he helped me to persevere. I am happy to say those visits are something of the past. We are in a much better place now. Thank you for visiting and interacting with the post. I love hearing from you. Maree
This was powerful and poignant! Thank you for sharing the real raw truth of your experiences.
Debbie – Thank you for visiting the blog and commenting. I love it when you do. Thank you also for being there to help me persevere. I could not have done it without you. Maree
My daughter went through years of depression. It was years of unconditional love. Heartbreaking and tiresome when the years past and I didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, but I kept loving. She finally was put on the right medication and then things began to change. She got her life right with God and things began to change at an accelerated pace. She is now doing so well. She’s in university and thriving. God is doing miraculous things in and through her. NEVER give up hope!
~Sherry Stahl
xoxo
Sherryl – Thank you for sharing. It is always good to hear when others share about their experience. It gives us all hope. I am so glad your daughter is doing so well and making progress at an accelerated pace. Our pace may not be as fast, but I am over the moon with the progress my loved ones have made. Maree