Mental Illness: How to Help Reduce Stress During the Holidays for Loved Ones

What if you could help reduce stress during the holidays for loved ones who struggle with a mental illness? Would you be willing to try? I believe it is possible with some understanding, planning, and a few actions.

We Must Seek to Understand the Stress

Before we can help reduce stress, it is critical to understand what it is like to walk in the shoes of someone with a mental illness during the holidays. I know we can never fully comprehend what another goes through, but the closer we get, the more we have to offer. 

Have you tried asking someone in a non-judgmental way what is hard during the holidays? Each person is unique. A few years back, my daughter Marie and I had a heartfelt conversation about how difficult the holidays are for her. I had no idea; she struggled. Her kindness, willingness to help, and gigantic smile masked what was underneath. However, as I gained an understanding, I was better prepared to come alongside and offer support.

What Causes Added Stress During the Holidays

(Shared by those living with a mental illness.)

Holidays Feel Like Milepost Markers

The milepost markers we have not yet hit become evident as we gather with cousins, friends, and family. We feel uncomfortable sharing where we are in life, and thus, we feel as though we don’t fit in. 

Social Interactions Drain Us

The numerous extra gatherings crammed into a short month leave us exhausted. Plus, we are socializing with people we don’t usually see. Rarely is their time to recover before the next one begins. 

Change in Routine

We thrive on a schedule with predictability and consistency, which is nearly impossible to attain during holidays. Change is hard! Heck, even the food we eat looks different. 

Increased Stress is in the Air

Stress is like a magnet; we feel our own and yours. And there is quite a bit of anxiety in the air.

Holidays are Noisy

The noise in our heads is loud, and there is so much extra sound everywhere we go—music, voices, dishes rattling, etc. 

Heightened Emotions

When our emotions get amplified, mental processing becomes more difficult. We can’t think straight and need a little extra patience. 

Fear of Judgment

We live day in and day out with an illness that most don’t understand, and we fear those piercing eyes of others judging us for not acting “normal.” All the while, we judge ourselves harder than anyone ever could. 

Now we are ready to discover how to help reduce stress for those we love.

12 Ways to Help Reduce Stress During the Holidays for Someone With a Mental Illness

1. Lower Your Stress

It may surprise you, but a great place to start before we try to help anyone else is with us. When stressed and overwhelmed, it rubs off on those around us. Remember, should the oxygen mask drop in an airplane, we must put ours on first before assisting anyone else. So to help reduce stress for those around us, we much lower ours. 

Take a few minutes and consider what makes the holiday painful or challenging. Perhaps the burdens you carry, your expectations, or your attempts to make everyone happy contribute to your stress. 

Burdens—There are unspoken burdens when we love someone with a mental illness, and we hesitate to acknowledge them for fear of being misunderstood. We know our struggles don’t compare to those of our loved ones, yet they are real and matter.

Then the holidays come along and add to the already heavy load. It might be time to examine if you have picked up too many added responsibilities. Perhaps you said yes, to something God never asked or wanted you to do. In Joanna Weaver’s article, Why Doing Less Could (Really) Be Doing More, she shares a story about a wagon full of stones—well worth the read. We often weigh ourselves down with tasks the Lord never asked us to do. 

Have you taken a realistic look lately at what burdens you carry? 

Expectations—Are you in reality or still holding out for something that will never come to fruition? Grieving and letting go of unrealistic expectations will lower your stress. 

Deemed Yourself Responsible for Everyone’s Happiness—That is a mighty big responsibility. Would you ever suggest or even think that’s feasible for someone else to attain?

Of course, this only skims the list; fear, perfection, and being the target of someone else’s negative feelings all add to our chaos. Before attempting to help another reduce their stress, we must lower our own. 

A great practice is determining three non-negotiable acts to help you stay balanced during the holidays.

Here are my three non-negotiables: Daily time with God, exercise, and plenty of sleep. Then I top it off with two truths: 1. Two thoughts or emotions can be true simultaneously, and I can experience joy for those with me and sadness for the empty chairs at my table. 2. Feelings are real, but they are not facts. 

What can you do to help reduce stress during the holidays for yourself?

2. Predictability is Key

Let the plan be known ahead of time. Discuss the schedule, parties, etc. Practice conversations; after all, it is pretty easy to predict people’s questions.

3. Let Participation Be Optional

Don’t force attendance at family gatherings—let it be the person’s choice to attend. Use the words, “it is your choice.” this makes it easier for someone to take control of their behavior when it is of their choosing.

Discuss and ask how your loved one feels about participating. Be curious, not condemning. Ask questions like—Do you think attending will impact your health negatively? Ask if there is something you can do to help reduce stress. 

4. Share True Feelings

When we are honest and vulnerable, it helps others explore how they feel. It is okay to say, “I am sad you won’t be with us.” Explore together how it will feel when they are at home all alone. 

5. Offer Help

Offer additional support and inquire with your loved ones about what they might need during this season. 

6. Be Consistent

If you commit to doing something, follow through. 

7. A Safe Place

Create an area in your home that is safe and comforting. When at a gathering, perhaps it means having an exit plan when your loved one is overwhelmed. Sometimes determining a keyword to use to signal it is time to go.

8. Be Present in the Moment

Nothing says you care more than being present. It can be as simple as leaving your phone in your jacket or turning your body toward the person talking. 

9. Strive to Be Effective, Not Right

Think before we argue—does it matter if we prove our point? Effectiveness is usually going to be a better choice. After all, the relationship is what matters most. 

10. Validate

Consider validating thoughts, emotions, experiences, values, and beliefs. I find it helpful to validate at least three times before adding any other words. In the post, “How to Be a Better Friend,” you can find more information on validating. 

11. Lower Expectations

Let landing the plane be enough. Showing up is better than nothing. Give credit where due. Try to build on positive experiences. 

12. Rethink Beverages

Alcohol can affect moods and the effectiveness of prescribed medications. 

Will You Choose to Help Reduce Stress During the Holidays?

Maybe you can’t accomplish all twelve actions; however, you can choose a few and give it a try. Remember, though; your loved one will be the best source for their unique challenges and needs. Please share with us in the comments or a private email to maree.dee@embracingtheunexpected.com any additional stressors or ways to help.

What About God?

God is all over the list above, and He is the one who can whisper in our ears and remind us to love others well. After all, God brought light into our dark world through His son Jesus. Let’s let Jesus shine in our world and then turn and reflect that brightness onto others. To find out how a speck of light can change the darkness around us, read “How to Be a Light in a Dark World.”

Mental health challenges can make a person’s world stressful and dark, especially during the holidays. Understanding, planning, and a few actions can help reduce stress for those we love. 

Embracing Faith & Mental Illness Community

Embracing Faith & Mental Illness is a Christ-centered online community for people who care for someone with a mental illness. We have four unique ways for caregivers to participate. You choose what works best for you.

Click here to discover four unique ways for caregivers to participate.

Upcoming Talk: When Your Loved One Has a Mental Illness Is Change Possible?

Feeling stuck, discouraged, or unsure if things can ever improve? This talk is for you. Maree Dee, Founder of Embracing Faith & Mental Illness, invites you to explore:

• Practical tools to help you move forward with renewed hope.
• Steps to take when progress feels out of reach.
• How small changes can lead to meaningful breakthroughs.

Join us for this inspiring session via Zoom on Saturday, January 4, 2025, at 9:00 AM (Mountain Time).

Register For Our Zoom Talk

Intentional Christmas Love

This December, let’s focus on what matters most: love. Join us each week for a new challenge as we turn our hearts toward God, ourselves, and others. Together, we can celebrate the true meaning of the season.

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