Have you ever tried to help someone you love, and your efforts seem futile? You reach out, but it seems your attempts to make the circumstances better are inadequate. You hope and pray they will at least know they are not alone in the struggle.
I have been there on many occasions. When the pain seemed unbearable as I watched my child struggle with a mental illness. I often felt like a failure as a mom because I couldn’t kiss away the hurt.
Today, I have the privilege of introducing you to my daughter, Marie. She asked if she could share her thoughts on my website in honor of Mother’s Day. I loved the idea but was slightly concerned about what she might say. After all, It hasn’t all been pretty, and I didn’t want her to cover up the real story.
Please welcome my daughter as she shares with you a part of our beginning journey from her perspective as mother and daughter in the midst of mental illness.
I Was Never Alone in the Struggle by Marie
My body felt heavy, as if an elephant had decided to lay down on top of me. I couldn’t move. Getting out of bed to use the bathroom sounded like a feat of its own. Then I heard the footsteps as they approached my door—I dreaded what was about to happen.
There she was, my momma, screaming at me, ”Get out of bed.”
My mom had come in multiple times before this, and I knew she was done being nice. She began pulling at the blankets, insisting I must go to school. I searched for the words to make her stop, to help her understand the pain. I wanted to explain what was happening inside me, yet forming phrases to describe my despair seemed impossible.
After all, if an elephant was sitting on your entire body, would you be able to tell how it felt?
All I wanted was for her to see me and understand my pain. I kept thinking if only she had an elephant on her, maybe she’d understand.
My momma kept yelling at me, ”Put one foot in front of the other. It’s not that hard.”
When her words failed, she physically began demonstrating how to step as if I had forgotten. It was quite a sight. She looked like she had been pulled over for a DUI check and was trying to maneuver a straight line. I wanted to laugh in hysteria, but the elephant was crushing my chest. You can read her perspective on the same day by clicking here.
On that particular day, we were both suffering in different ways. However, I was never alone in the struggle—my mom was right by my side. Maybe her tactics weren’t perfect, but I know she cared.
Mental Illness Is Not Easy for Anyone
This road with my mental illness has not been easy. The struggle came on like a storm in the night, wreaking havoc in my life and my momma’s. It has forever changed both of us. Up until this time, my momma and I shared a beautiful relationship. But now, suddenly, it seemed as though mental illness would steal it away.
Mental illness seemed to want to steal away the beautiful relationship we had built together—at times it seemed as if it might.#anxietydisorder #mentalillness Share on XThere were many days when I thought I had hurt my momma too many times for her to want to keep coming back. After all, I was mean, yelled at her, and called her many names. Why on earth would she want to choose to be around someone like me?
However, she kept coming back—I was never alone in the struggle.
Before a Formal Diagnosis
Undesired and unexplainable feelings plagued my mind, and I didn’t know what to do with them. I had this overwhelming sadness that I couldn’t understand nor shake loose. Then like a flip of a switch, I would feel happy and ecstatic, as if I could do anything. I had no control over when the switches would flip; they always happened unexpectedly and never in my timing.
Before the diagnosis—the unexplainable unwanted behaviors kept showing up at random. I told lies, and seldom followed the rules, and our relationship suffered.
There was yelling—lots of yelling. We had confusion— lots of confusion.
My momma kept inquiring, repeatedly, determined to figure it all out. She phrased them in slight variations as if this would do the trick. She didn’t realize she could ask me one hundred times, and I still couldn’t articulate what was wrong. It frustrated us both, tempers were explosive, and emotions were raw.
Before the diagnosis, I had unexplainable terrifying physical symptoms. Out of nowhere, my heart would pound fast as if it would rip open my chest.
The frequent emergency room trips became a regular event. I was convinced my heart was utterly defective, and I was dying. Over and over again, we tried tirelessly to find answers to my numerous physical ailments. New aches and problems seemed to appear overnight.
When the Answer Isn’t What You Expected
Then finally, after extensive testing and weeks of fear consuming us. The top-notch pediatric cardiologist summoned us into his office. We sat with anticipation—fearing the unknown yet hopeful for an answer. But then I was so let down.
He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Your heart is fine; it is quite possible you have an anxiety disorder.”
It took everything in me to hold back from screaming. How could the doctor tell me my heart was in good working condition? The symptoms were real.
This doctor was supposed to be the best at what he does, yet his answer seemed ridiculous and dismissive. I looked over at my momma, who smiled from ear to ear. I wondered how on earth she could be happy when this was devastating news.
Big wet, salty tears began rolling down my face.
Pondering Anxiety
As we considered anxiety, I was in denial. It felt as if everyone was dismissing that my heart wasn’t working. No one understood what it was like to be me.
My momma quickly changed her mission in life. She was determined to find out the cause of my anxiety. When that didn’t work, she tried to convince me I had no reason to worry as she pointed out all that was right in my life. But this method only infuriated me and left us both angry and frustrated.
A Diagnosis
After many years of searching, the doctors finally delivered a diagnosis. I had depression, panic, and anxiety disorders, with bipolar disorder added later to the mix. The label didn’t make things better overnight. However, knowing there was a cause created a place to start healing.
To the Momma who—
~ hasn’t spoken to her child in a while. Take a breath and know restoration is still possible.
~ is tired, so tired of fighting, so tired of it all. Take a breath. It isn’t your fault.
~ feels like everything she does is wrong. Inhale deeply, hold your breath as you count to ten, and slowly exhale. You certainly aren’t doing it all wrong. Remember, no one is perfect, and this road doesn’t have a clear path.
~ is worried about her child. Continually pray for your child, their team of professionals, and the friends who surround them.
~ wants her child to seek treatment and refuses. Pray that they have one small moment of clarity to seek help. Include prayers for the right future medical team.
All momma’s, I want you to know that you matter. Don’t give up! No one should ever be alone in the struggle.
Don't give up! No one should ever be alone in the struggle with a mental illness. #anxietydisorder #mentalillness Share on XMy mom and I have been on this journey with my mental illness for over 15 years. Although we will never reach a place of perfection in dealing with mental illness, we have both learned a great deal. Together we have worked hard to find skills that work and to recognize each other’s needs. Click here to read “When You Want To Help: Eight Strategies for Loving Someone With An Anxiety Disorder.”
Most importantly, we have learned how to have a relationship in the midst of mental illness. #anxietydisorder #mentalillness Share on X
I share this story with you as we near Mother’s Day because I want the mommas out there to know what I see as a daughter living with a mental illness.
To My Sweet Momma and all Mom Warriors,
I See You
Momma, I see you in your pain when you have worn yourself down and feel broken inside. I notice when your eyes tear up, and you think I haven’t noticed.
I Know You Doubt Yourself
Momma, I know you wonder if you parented me right, whether you did enough and should be doing more now. You have sometimes beaten yourself up over not noticing the changes in me early on.
I Appreciate You
Momma, thank you for being brave and fighting for me. I am grateful for the many hours you have spent praying, educating yourself, learning new skills, and doing all you can to understand my pain. I appreciate your willingness to work on yourself and take good care of yourself. Thank you for not giving up on me or our relationship.
Take a Breath, Sweet Momma,
I love and appreciate you.
I would not be where I am today without you.
I know I was never alone in the struggle.
Love,
Your Daughter—Marie.
The one constant that stood true—Momma, you were always there. I was never alone in the struggle.
How has your mom been there for you? Will you consider writing her a special letter this Mother’s Day?
Of course, this momma is so proud of her sweet daughter, who has worked hard to live with an illness she never anticipated or wanted. Marie has a heart of gold and loves to help others. She currently works as a Special Education Teacher working with children with a diagnosis of autism.
Maree and her daughter will be speaking at Circles of Hope: Mental Health Caregiver Support on June 15, 2021—”Grieving: When Mental Illness Hurts and No One Notices.”
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness Community
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness is a Christ-centered online community for people who care for someone with a mental illness. We have four unique ways for caregivers to participate. You choose what works best for you.
Click here to discover four unique ways for caregivers to participate.
Upcoming Talk: How to See Your Hidden Blessings as a Caregiver
Caregiving can be one of life’s most challenging roles. Yet, in the midst of the difficult moments, unexpected blessings are often waiting to be discovered.
That’s why I’m excited to invite you to a special talk titled “How to See Your Hidden Blessings as a Caregiver” with Maree Dee, founder of Embracing Faith & Mental Illness. Maree will share insights from her journey, offering practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement to help you shift your perspective and find hope in caring for someone with a mental illness.
My husband and I both just finished reading this Mother’s Day post. There are so many parallels between you & your daughter and my husband & our son. Tomorrow is Father’s Day and I thank God for a husband who doesn’t give up on and who really tries to “see” our son’s struggles. This post was so encouraging to both of us.
Janice,
I wanted to express my gratitude for sharing some insights into your situation and for finding my post helpful for both you and your husband. I am truly glad that you both have not given up, and I am thanking God for that right now. It’s disheartening to see so many families giving up on their loved ones, and it deeply saddens me. I understand that this is a challenging journey for everyone. I apologize for taking so long to respond, especially considering how impactful your post was for me.
Blessings,
Maree
Thank you. It’s mother’s day, we’ll, yesterday. It’s 12 40am here. I’m up listening to podcasts on anxiety and ocd. And reading up on the mental health FB sites I am a part of.. like a full time job after everyone else is in bed.. seeking wisdom, always for my children
This brought tears and relief to my aching and currently, racing heart.
Joy, I am so glad this post brought you relief. Please know you are not alone. I hope you are taking some time for yourself in the middle of all your seeking wisdom. I do know how incredibly hard that is to do. Blessings to you, Maree
Such a beautiful message here, Marie! Thank you for sharing with us how this feels from the daughter’s perspective. You sound like an incredible woman as is your mother. I find encouragement here for my own situation.
Lisa, I am so glad you found encouragement in this post.Yes, my Marie is an incredible woman. Maree
This is so beautiful and touched my heart deeply. it made me yearn for my mother. What a lovely relationship you two have. To of walked through mental illness together with love, transparency, and each other. And to reach a healing on this very page. 💖🙏👏
Deborah,
Thank you for your kind words. Marie and I have been through some significant ups and downs, but we have come out on the other side, and I am so glad. Do you still have your mom? If not, I hope your memories comfort you as you yearn for her. I sure missed my momma on Mother’s Day, and Marie spent it with her, so that was super comforting.
Blessings,
Maree
Oh, my! So heartwarming!
Thank you, Michele; I love it when I see a comment from you. I hope you are doing well. Our paths have not been crossing as much, and I have missed reading your posts regularly. You have prompted me to head to your site. Maree
Maree you are BRAVE and have taught me so much…Marie you are just as BRAVE! Your words are encouraging and I pray they touch the hearts of many. Love you!
Thank you, my beautiful friend. You have been with us every step of the way. Maree
This went straight to my heart – in tears now – and I am not a crier. This is a beautiful love letter so filled with grace. No – the challenge, the hard wasn’t covered up – at least to a mom who has learned so much about unconditional love in the hard, who has asked God to “show me how to love” my child when my child didn’t feel lovable – and to show me how to see that child as God sees them! Thank you for your frankness – and your heart!
Thank you, Maryleigh, for your beautiful response. It sounds as though you understand all about loving another in the hard places.
I thought unconditional love was a natural response, but I found out it wasn’t. I needed God to teach me and hold me close. When I finally began to understand, it helped me to see how much God loved me. He sure loves us even when we are so unloveable.
Blessings,
Maree
Maree and Marie, you are both strong, brave, beautiful women. It’s encouraging to read of a mother’s love that won’t let go, and of a daughter who has been through so very much and yet still appreciates everything her mom has done for her. May God continue to bless you both in the years ahead.
Lois,
What a beautiful comment. Your words touched my heart. Thank you!
I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day.
Maree
I’m glad you invited your daughter to write! So lovely! Thank you!
Amy,
Thank you for your kind words. It was nice to share my space with her.
Blessings, Maree
This brought a tear to my eye for both you are your daughter. What a story, but it was not a quick sweet story, but one that took many years. I hope this gives others hope. To hold on, keep loving, and that they are not alone. You are your daughter look so cute in the picture. And so alike.
Theresa,
Yes, you are right. It was not a quick sweet story. I, too, hope this gives others hope. It is so worth hanging in there. But I do have to add I could never have done it on my own. God was right there with me every step of the way. Ahh, thank you for the compliment on our picture.
Blessings, Maree
Maree and Marie, thank you for sharing your heart and your story. It’s beautiful, heart wrenching, and comforting all at the same time.
Lisa,
I am so glad you found our post comforting. Thank you for stopping by, reading, and leaving a comment. We loved hearing how our words touch others. Blessings, Maree
Thanks so much to both of you for being transparent and sharing your struggles. It’s beautiful that through the pain and confusion and misunderstandings, you both recognized your love for each other was under it all.
Barbara,
Thank you for your encouraging words. I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day today. Maree
Wow! Maree Dee this is so beautiful! So raw and yet so beautiful at the same time. Your daughter is so brave. YOU are so brave, You both are brave together. So transparent and brave. Thank you for posting this. Pinned. Tweeted.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Patsy, you have no idea how much I appreciate you. I am so glad our paths have crossed. Thank you for your lovely comments. You have encouraged me today. Thank you for your sharing. Maree
Thank you both so much for sharing! It helps so much to see things from the eyes of one dealing with these issues.
Thank you for stopping by and reading. Maree
Maree Dee, thank you to your daughter for sharing her heart and for your bravery in sharing your story. My daughter and I need prayers right now. I would so appreciate it.
Mary – Thank you for your kind message. Thank you for asking, I would be honored to pray for you and your daughter. I am praying right now.
I had al the feels while reading this! My daughter and I went through a similar journey while we struggled to find out why she was acting so irrationally. she was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder (and she’s shared her story on my blog 🙂 ). It’s so important to share our stories and to raise awareness of mental health disorders and issues–it would have taken so much less time if I had only been educated about mental illnesses!
Anita,
Yes, I would image you could relate. It is a journey. Please do share your post link here if you get a chance to your daughter’s post. I am sure others would appreciate it. I would love to reread it too. I am glad we can link arms and raise awareness.
I agree if only I had known what I know now.
Blessings,
Maree
Thank you both for your courage to be brave & share your individual stories & relationship with us… Having been a mental health practitioner all my professional life. I realize how much you have both worked at your relationship to get to this point.
Bless you both,
Jennifer
Jennifer,
Thank you! Yes, you would understand. Thank you for helping others in this area. We couldn’t do it without people like you.
Blessings,
Maree
This is just beautiful! Thank you both for sharing your story! I’m sure it will be a help and an encouragement to many others!
Lesley – We hope it encourages others not to give up. Thank you for your comment. Maree
This is so encouraging, I’ve come back to read it a second time. The feeling that you’re never alone in your struggle is so filled with hope and reminds me of Jesus’ promise to never leave us. Thank you, Maree and Marie for using your story to encourage so many others. May God continue to bless you in your journey.
Carlie – Wow, a second reading. Thank you for your encouragement. Oh, how I have clung to the fact that Jesus never leaves us. Maree
Wow! This is incredibly brave and exceptionally powerful, Marie! Thank you for sharing your story with us and encouraging moms everywhere to persevere in loving and working with their children, especially when mental illness may be involved. I’m grateful you got the answers you needed and will be pinning and tweeting this for sure! Thanks to your mom, Maree Dee, as well for sharing your story with us today!
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing our post! Maree
Wow, Maree and Marie, thank you for sharing this. It is beautifully written and its message is one that many of us need to hear. Blessings to you both!
Deb,
Thank you! You have encouraged us with your words. Maree
Beautiful post so glad you shared. I grew up with a Mother who had mental illness and she did not have a diagnosis until I was a teenager. It was a challenge growing up but over the years we eventually cultivated a relationship in a healthy direction.
Heather,
It makes my heart soar that you and your mom were able to develop a relationship. I believe in restoration. Thank you for sharing. I know it will help others who think they will ever be able to have a relationship.
I bet it was challenging and confusing growing up knowing something wasn’t quite right but not having any answers.
Blessings, Maree
This is such a raw, yet encouraging post. Thanks for giving your daughter the space to share her side of the story. I’m certainly going to head over to read yours.
Heather – Thank you for stopping by and reading. It means the world to both of us. Maree
Hey Maree, I just wanted to let you know that I chose this post as the Mother’s Day feature for Grace and Truth on Candidly Christian. Thanks again for giving Marie the space to share her story. Such a blessing!
Heather, We are so honored to be featured on your website. Thank you! Maree
Thank you for your vulnerability which is, as you both know, your greatest strength (besides one another!) I will share.
Sue, Thank you for your thoughtful note. It means the world to us. Maree
Maree, I love that you shared your personal story of battling with your anxiety disorder. You are an inspiration and your mom’s sweet message at the end was awesome!! #destinationinspiration linkup
April, Thank you for your sweet encouraging note. Maree
Maree, what a powerful and vulnerable post by Marie. Thank you both. I have family members who have dealt with similar struggles. And me other things. But knowing we can support each other, we are never alone, especially because the Lord never forsakes us.
Karen, Thank you for taking the time to comment. Yes, supporting each other is vital. I have walked this path knowing I am not alone. I wouldn’t be where I am today without knowing God is with me every step of the way. Aren’t we blessed he gave us the Holy Spirit? Maree
Maree and Marie, thank you for sharing this. I read it in tears because while my experience is different, it is similar. Thank you.
Laura,
Even though our stories are not the same, we can learn so much from each other. It helps me not to feel so alone. I am consistently learning from others who have had to persevere through very different things. I do find a thread of similarity in much of what others have gone through. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I am praying for you right now. Maree