Do you ever feel ill-equipped to support someone who’s struggling, especially when it looks like they may be facing mental health challenges? Do you politely step back or pretend not to notice when unsure how to help? However, here’s the truth: everyone can offer one simple and powerful gift, regardless of experience or skill level.
Sometimes, we try hard with our words and actions, yet we seem to come up short in lessening the pain of others. However, there is always one valuable act we tend to underestimate. #pain #help Share on XBe Present
Being present might sound simple, but it takes intentional effort and practice. It’s more than being in the same room. Being present is about being there with your full attention, ready to listen with empathy, show compassion, and hold back judgment. Our goal must not be to fix the problem or provide solutions but to walk alongside someone in their pain.
This approach mirrors how God meets us in our struggles. He doesn’t always take away our challenges but promises never to leave or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). When we offer our presence to others, we reflect this same love and care.
Why is Being Present So Important?
Nothing speaks louder under challenging times than someone choosing to sit with us in our suffering. After all, when you are hurting or struggling, doesn’t it feel comforting to have someone by your side? Being present builds trust, creates understanding, and deepens compassion. It’s one of the most beautiful ways to reflect God’s love. Being present is a powerful way to show love, even when words don’t help. My daughter Marie expresses it well in this post, “I Was Never Alone in the Struggle.”
Nothing says you care more than being present. After all, when you are hurting or struggling, doesn’t it feel good not to be alone? Share on XBeing fully present strengthens relationships by building trust. When people know we aren’t there to fix them but to be with them, it opens up space for more understanding, compassion, and connection. It’s one of the most beautiful ways to reflect Christ’s love in a hurting world.
Removing Distractions to Be Fully Present
Being present sounds simple, but it’s not always easy in today’s busy world. Sometimes, we have to actively remove distractions. Maybe that means turning off the phone, letting the laundry pile up, or leaving the house messy. What obstacles are getting in the way of being fully present with someone who needs your love and attention?
Sometimes, our fears or discomfort can be the biggest distraction. It’s hard to sit with someone in their pain, especially when it’s mental illness. We may feel like we don’t have the right words or worry that we’ll say the wrong thing. But remember—God doesn’t ask us to have all the answers. He calls us to love one another (John 13:34). Love can look like quietly sitting with someone in their darkest moments.
When It Feels Like You’re Not Reaching Someone
There will be times when it feels like no matter how much we try, we can’t seem to reach someone who’s struggling. I’ve been there. Recently, I found myself discouraged in my attempts to reach a friend with a mental illness. He was stuck on a thought that made no sense to me or anyone else. My words of encouragement, validation, and praise did nothing to ease his pain or help him break free from his anguish.
In my frustration, I was near tears, feeling like a failure. But then I remembered advice a therapist gave me years ago:
“When you spend time with someone struggling, don’t try to fix the problem, cheer them up, or take away their pain. Instead, sit quietly with them in their suffering.”
I realized that my presence, even in silence, was more valuable than anything I could say. I’d love to say I mastered sitting in my friend’s pain. However, I let distractions take my attention and only showed up halfway. Thankfully, God nudged me to see my effort for what it was and gave me another chance.
Do you ever catch yourself trying to fix the situation instead of being present?
We All Have Something to Give
We often think we need to have the perfect words or solutions when someone is hurting. But that’s not true. People usually need our presence most—just as God meets us where we are, in all of our mess and brokenness, we can do the same for others. Whether caregivers, friends, family members, or strangers, we all have something to offer.
When God gives us the chance to be His hands and feet, especially during someone’s pain, let’s not miss that opportunity. We may not always know what to say or how to help, but we can show up. And in showing up, we reflect the love and care God shows us daily.
How You Can Be Present—Practical Tips
If you’re wondering how you can start being more present for someone struggling with mental illness, here are a few practical tips:
- Put away distractions – Turn off your phone or any device that might distract your attention. Give the person your undivided focus.
- Listen well – Sometimes, all someone needs is to be heard. You don’t have to solve the problem—refrain from interrupting. Your eye contact, facial expressions, and posture will also communicate if you listen well.
- Ask open-ended questions – Gently ask questions to encourage the other person to share.
- Provide physical presence – Even if you’re sitting in silence, your presence can bring comfort. Sometimes, solely being there is enough.
- Pray with or for them – If they are open to it, pray with them. If not, you can still pray for them privately, asking God to bring peace and comfort to their situation.
How has being present helped someone you care about, or how has someone’s presence impacted you in a time of need? Please share your experiences and this article with others to spread the message of the power of being present.
In addition, Katie Dale, in her blog post “End Stigma in the Church: Be Doers, Not Hearers Only,” shared some fantastic insights on how we can end the stigma in the church toward mental health. She gently reminds us God gives each of us grace, and when we extend that grace to someone with a mental illness, it might encourage them to get the help they need. I loved her words, especially these—
” Per the golden rule, may we put ourselves in others’ shoes, and if they don’t “fit,” may we educate ourselves, so they do.” —Katie Dale
Upcoming Talk: When Your Loved One Has a Mental Illness Is Change Possible?
Feeling stuck, discouraged, or unsure if things can ever improve? This talk is for you. Maree Dee, Founder of Embracing Faith & Mental Illness, invites you to explore:
- Practical tools to help you move forward with renewed hope.
- Steps to take when progress feels out of reach.
- How small changes can lead to meaningful breakthroughs.
Join us for this inspiring session via Zoom on Saturday, January 4, 2025, at 9:00 AM (Mountain Time).
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness Community
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness is a Christ-centered online community for people who care for someone with a mental illness. We have four unique ways for caregivers to participate. You choose what works best for you.
Click here to discover four unique ways for caregivers to participate.
I often find myself wanting to “fix” the situation. I like how you mentioned sitting in silence. That reminded me of Job in the Bible. In Job 2:13, his friends did this very thing: “So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.” They made mistakes later, but there initial actions were powerful.
Yes, Job’s friends were spot on at the beginning. Thank you for sharing that. I hope you are having a great weekend. Maree
This is excellent! I love how you stress that all of us have something to offer someone who deals with mental illness because too often we may think we have to be professionals. This leaves people more isolated than they already are. Thank you for this!
Patti, Yes, you are so right. It does leave people more isolated. Thank you for adding your words to the conversation. I hope you are having a great week. Maree
Thank you for highlighting being present, offering time & listening are precious gifts Maree!
Bless you sweet friend,
Jennifer
Time is such a precious gift. Don’t you love it when someone offers their time? Blessings, Maree
So true…being present and offering time and listening is rare and a precious gift!
Amy, You are right “presence is a rare gift!” Blessings to you this weekend, Maree
Maree,
This is terrific advice. I suffer from OCD and depression and when I’m having and episode, just having someone near and not having to be alone in my suffering is a wonderful gift…no need to fix anything, just be with someone who is hurting.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Bev,
Thank you for adding your thoughts and experience. Plus, I always need to be reminded I don’t need to fix anything. I hate to see those I love suffering, and I want to make it better for them. However, I am not Jesus. So many times, I underestimate the power of presence. I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
Maree
Truth> Being present for someone is pertinent in supporting a loved one with mental illness. It still floors me at how mental illness is STILL stigmatized today. Our understanding and knowledge has come so far but is still so stigmatized away. Thank you for sharing Maree. Blessings.
Yes, we have come a long way, but we still have further to go. Stigma is so prevalent, not only in the big wide world but within our smaller circles too.
Maree