Sometimes Mother’s Day hurts to the core, and we don’t think we can find any joy. A day not so long ago, I awoke with heaviness as if bricks were piled high upon my chest. It hurt to breathe. I thought to myself, do I have to open my eyes and get on with my day? How could I possibly enjoy this day with my child far away in a place she didn’t want to be?
I knew she was in such agony and so angry with me. I was sure she felt abandoned and blamed me. After all, she was my child that never liked to spend a night away from home. And I had sent her halfway across the country to a place that I thought would help her in a way that I couldn’t.
Questions swirled in my head. How could I face those happy mothers at church and brunch? Would I be able to give my other two children the love they needed on this day? How could I give my momma the love she so deserved on this day when my heart was breaking? Riddled with such deep pain, I didn’t see how I could accept recognition as a mother when I felt like a failure.
Life had not turned out as I expected, and I wanted it to be different!
I let my mind wander; I remembered back to another Mother’s Day when my sweet friend, Sara, eloquently demonstrated how to embrace the day’s sadness and beauty.
Sara had cancer and was seeking treatment at a hospital close to me. I loved visiting her. But that particular day, I dreaded the visit and put it off until the end of the day. I had muddled through my family’s celebration where our hearts were heavy with sorrow of loving and hurting for someone with cancer. Thoughts raced through my mind; how could I visit her and keep it together? Would she even want to see me on Mother’s Day when her children were 275 miles away? I wondered if this would be the last mother’s day she would have; if that were true, it just seemed wrong to enjoy the day.
Upon arriving at the hospital, my husband and I left our children in the waiting room. We didn’t want the sight of our children to cause Sara more pain on this day. To our surprise, we found a beautiful smiling lady who asked to visit with our children. Sara’s life was hanging in the balance; her children were far away, yet she was ready to embrace the moment’s beauty.
What Helps When Mother’s Day Hurts
Remembering my sweet friend’s example, I faced my Mother’s Day determined to find beauty. I chose to welcome the pain and the joy of the day, just like Sara did. I leaned on God, counted what I did have, and embraced the moments of the day. Yes, I cried, and I missed my child immensely. I focused on what I did have—not what I didn’t have!
Of course, those around me had no idea how to treat me. I could see and feel my family’s looks of worry. Do we mention who is missing? So I helped them by announcing, “Today is a special day. Yes, I am sad, but I will embrace all the joy this day offers. I will have tears of sadness and joy, and one will not cancel the other out.”
So when I received that unexpected call from afar to wish me a “Happy Mother’s Day” and hear those words, “I love you.” I considered the heartfelt words icing on the cake and embraced the moment.
What helped me on that day—
- Embracing the sadness of the day
- Embracing the beauty of the day
- Counting my blessings
- Announcing my plan
- Letting go of guilt
- Staying in the present moment
Sometimes the pain is so great it is just impossible to embrace anything. I understand. Many times we solely endure the day and nothing more. Sometimes the most we can muster up is being thankful the day is over, and that is okay.
Where ever life finds you in whatever circumstances, I hope you will remember my sweet friend and how she could find beauty in her day.
How do you embrace special days when in the midst of pain? Share on X
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Embracing the Unexpected | Maree Dee
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I used to grieve the losses so hard but as I look back now God showed me miracles !
And now when I’m going through another grieving moment, I wait anxiously for the miracle and waiting on the Lord brings me peace.
I’m glad you shared this post again at last week’s linkup. It’s relevant every year! I’m featuring it Friday at my blog for this week’s linkup.
Lisa,
Thank you for featuring my article. I even need to reread it each Mother’s Day.
Blessings, Maree
Mother’s Day was painful for me at one time. As a stepmother who longed for children of her own, I felt like I was somewhere between mother and fake. I love what you said about focusing on what you have; that has been true for me. Now, Mother’s Day brings me joy as I celebrate a mother-figure role in my stepchildren’s lives. I am grateful for those God has brought to my life. Thank you for this post today, Maree.
Ashley,
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I loved hearing your story and how you found a place where you can honor who you are in the lives of your stepchildren. I’m sorry that your dream of birthing children never came to fruition, but so glad you didn’t let that pain rob you and others of the love you have to give the children in your life. You are a blessing.
Maree
Very heart warming story, I find that Mothers Day is painful not having a mother.
My mother got cancer. I prayed for God to heal her, but God wasn’t listening. She got worse, spent her last year on earth in excruciating pain. Then she died, way to early, God let her suffer and die. On top of that I spent the last year of her life watching her deteriorate day by day. You see she was scared and didn’t want to be alone. So I spent that year watching her pretty much 24/7. My health went from ok to terrible. Can you imagine a year when you only got about a weeks worth of sleep. When she died she looked like a skeleton with skin. That is the picture stuck in my head. So much for God having my or her backs. So this is why Mothers Day is just plain hell. Thanks and God bless you in Jesus name. Amen.
Kenneth,
I can totally understand how Mother’s Day is painful for you. I am so sorry your mom lost her life in such a painful way and certainly earlier than expected. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been to watch. The amount of suffering God allows is beyond my understanding.
What a blessing you must have been to her in this time of suffering. I am sorry that the picture of how she looked at the end is stuck in your head. In answer to your question, No, I can’t imagine a week’s worth of sleep over a year. No doubt, your health was impacted.
Praying for you right now. I would love to hear a good memory you have of your Momma. Maree
This is another wonderful post to pin. Your friend had the right idea- to enjoy her day despite Cancer. Lovely woman. We could all learn so much from her. This year I wrote a post for the women who were childless on Mother’s Day. http://www.burdenfreecaregiving.com/2017/05/12/childless-mothers-day/
Your thoughts, about your daughter being away and you not wanting to put on the happy face at church, reminded me of this. I pray things are going better for you now than they were when you wrote this post.
Erin, Yes, this memory is from years ago. We still have our ups and downs, but she is with me not away. Thank you for sharing your post I will go on and read it in a few minutes. Hope your weekend is fantastic. Maree
So true, that the one doesn’t conflict with the other. We can feel joy and sadness at the same time, just like we can feel joy over the salvation of one, and despair at the plight of the world full of sin. Thank you for sharing your story and how you were able to keep a positive outlook.
Liz, I love the example you gave of salvation and plight of the world. So true both can be true. Maree
I miss my Mom, but my sweet girls make up for her loss. So many are struggling to have babies, and I have 2 healthy ones. I want to celebrate with them!
Sarah – I am so glad you have your sweet girls. I know so many will be struggling this Mother’s Day. My heart breaks for those that are hurting. Maree
I’ve been blessed so far to be able to enjoy Mother’s Day. I have a close relationship with my mom, and I love celebrating with my own kids. It’s the hardest day of the year for my husband, though. So, glad he is able to focus on me and make the day special for me despite his feelings. 🙂 Thanks for sharing at Literacy Musing Mondays.
Brandi – I pray you continue to be blessed on Mothers Day. I am so glad your husband can set aside that day and focus on you. Mother’s Day is so hard for many. Maree
Maree – I love that you shared authentically and transparently what so many suffer in silence about when it comes to mothers day. Mother’s Day is hard for more women than we know. thank you for sharing this beautiful tender piece. Thanks for linking up with #TuneInThursday last week. Hope to see you tomorrow too.
Debbie, It so true many women find Mother’s Day to be difficult for so many reasons. I too will be pulling from my own words to enjoy this one coming up. Blessings, Maree
A wonderfully compassionate take on Mother’s Day. Beautiful Maree. Thank you.
Meg – Thank you! Maree
Maree Dee,
I have had real struggles with Mother’s Day too. I realized a couple weeks ago that the hurts from my very first Mother’s Day were still unhealed. That’s really sad since my oldest is 24. Harshness in my first marriage seemed to plague that day so I had a bunch of baggage attached to it. The reality is I haven’t been in that marriage for over 7 years and have been carrying the hurt along as I journey life. It’s so sad that we hold onto hurtful memories more than the happy ones. Thankfully I truly feel that God healed my Mother’s Day wounds when when I recognized it a couple weeks ago. I have been in anothear season of healing and restoration with our Daddy. I’m trying to be aware when I get hurt or offended and ask Him what’s causing the reaction instead of just sulking in it or allowing anger to simmer…I’m asking God what is the root cause of this emotion? God has been revealing some deep things and my heart is feeling lighter, freer! Reading your post helped me to recognize that the hurt is gone! Thanks for your words 🙂
Praying you have a blessed Mother’s Day — beyond what you expect! May the fruit of your labor of love be multiplied in your children’s lives and in your own.
Be Blessed & Refreshed,
~Sherry Stahl
xoxo
Sherry – I am so happy God healed our Mother’s Day wounds. It is terrible when we carry them forward, especially when we don’t need to. I am so glad my post helped me to recognize the hurt.
Thank you for your prayers for a blessed Mother’s Day. We have had a difficult week, and I am going to have to go back and read my own post and look for the blessings in the day. Our day this year will carry “joy” but also deep sorrow for someone that is no longer with us.
I will be praying you have a spectacular Mothers Day this year.
Blessings,
Maree
I love your heart Maree Dee! It’s so important to be honest and allow for others to be authentic as well. Visiting from #LMMLinkup
Angela, Thank you – I agree honestly is amazing. Maree
Oh, Maree, Our stories are similar and you spoke straight into my heart. Thank you!
Deb – I look forward to getting to know you even better. It does sound like we have some similarities. Always nice to find someone that understands. Maree
I have always been away from my parents/Mom for the last 20 years. School and then Marriage took me to a different country all together. I have come to terms with this physical distance especially on Mothers Day by thanking God for my mom, and grandma. I thank the Lord for allowing me to feel pain of separation, and making me dependent solely on Him. Now I can minister to those in pain because of that.
Blessed post,
Visiting you from #faith n friend
Diana – http://dianasdiaries.com
Diana – I am sorry you are away from those you love but how wonderful you have God as your source of comfort. Thank you for stopping by. Maree
Maree, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your journey with us. Each of your essays resonates so deeply with me, and I appreciate and admire your courage, your vulnerability, and your wisdom. One of my friends started a business that supports grieving women (https://www.laurelbox.com/). Their products, as well as the stories featured on their blog and Instagram, have showed me how to love and support my friends during times of loss.
Melissa – Thank you for you encouraging words and for sharing about your friend’s website. I will have to jump over and check it out. Maree
This will be my first Mother’s Day without my mother here on this planet, so I’m not sure how it’s going to feel, but I sure do appreciate you for opening up here and getting me started on the process of thinking abou it.
Michele, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Mothers Day will definitely be different. Praying you will be able to embrace both the pain and the joy. Maree
Maree Dee, what a heartfelt, honest post. Looking at what we’ve been given versus what we’re missing is a needed area of focus for many of us. (Can you tell I’m at the front of the line?!) We need that righteous focus. How beautiful that you took a hard situation and showed us how it’s possible. Praise God. #chasingcommunity
Kristi, Thank you for your kind and generous words. I only wish I could always look at what we have been given. I try. Maree
I love this story, Maree, and so appreciate you sharing because I can also relate with having my only child away (by my doing in an effort to help her) on several Mother’s Days! As I write this, however, I am reminded of some very poignant and touching Mother’s Days before and after those difficult days which I am choosing to remember more with a heart of thanksgiving!
I like that you are choosing to remember with a heart of thanksgiving. I am going to try that with some old memories.
Glad to hear that since we can decide the good memories will be the focus in our minds, rather than the painful ones, right?