When someone you care about walks through painful circumstances, do you hesitate to help? Perhaps you jump in determined to solve the problem, which only causes turmoil. Perhaps, there is a better way. Find out from Stacey Pardoe three ways you can help someone when the unexpected happens.
I am thrilled to introduce you to Stacey Pardoe, our honored guest. She has a beautiful way of encouraging her readers to encounter God in the ordinary. Although her post today gives us three beautiful ways to help others, I also found an idea to help me as I embrace the unexpected.
Discover from Stacey Pardoe three ways you can help someone when the unexpected happens. #unexpected #embracingtheunexpected Share on XThree Ways You Can Help Someone When the Unexpected Happens
Written by Stacey Pardoe
We stand on the precipice between light and darkness—listening to the hushed whisper of ancient water wearing away the sandstone at our feet. My friend asked if we could walk together tonight, and I’m immensely grateful for her presence. Feeling all alone when the unexpected happens is one of the worst feelings in the world.
It’s been a rough week, and I feel like I’ve been hit by a train I never saw coming.
After pouring my heart into a life-long dream for countless years, I thought my dream was finally going to come to fruition. God seemed to be opening all the right doors, and I was running through them with a smile on my face and praises on my lips. I thanked Him for bringing my dream to pass in his perfect timing, and the culmination was so close I could taste the sweet success.
Days before my dream came to fruition; everything fell apart. Someone on my team of supporters pulled the plug on my plans, and I watched it all slip away with shockwaves pulsing through my veins and tears in my eyes.
Most of us will face a handful of these crushing, unexpected losses in our lives. We’ll grieve our shattered dreams and quietly chastise ourselves for having the audacity to dream in the first place. We’ll face other unexpected losses too. Some of us will grieve the loss of our health, financial security, marriages, closest friendships, ministries, and loved ones we said we couldn’t live without.
How to Help When the Unexpected Happens
Navigating the unexpected is difficult, and there’s no way around it. Sometimes, watching our loved ones face the unexpected is even harder than going through it ourselves. We want to say and do the right things, but the words don’t come, and baking a casserole doesn’t quite feel like enough.
As we stand by the water in the fading twilight, my friend quietly asks, “How can I support you as you walk through this loss?”
I look straight into her eyes and say, “You’re doing it right now.”
She smiles and squeezes my hand. She doesn’t offer a cliché or try to fix the emotional discomfort of the situation. She’s wise enough not to gloss over my loss with a sermon about what I should be learning. Instead, she stands with me. Her presence says it all.
"If someone you love is navigating the unexpected, here are three ways you can help—just as my friend helped me." —Stacey Pardoe Share on XThree Ways to Help Someone When The Unexpected Happens
1. Be present when the unexpected happens.
It seems so simple, but often, the best way to help when a loved one faces an unexpected detour is to simply show up. Don’t feel obligated to spend two hours cooking a meal before you show up. Unless your friend asks explicitly, you needn’t bring anything but yourself. In fact, showing up with too many answers to a problem isn’t helpful for anyone involved, especially if no one requested your input.
Throughout my life’s most unexpected and challenging losses, the greatest gift others have offered me is the gift of presence. They’ve sat with me in my sorrow and cried instead of trying to make my sadness go away. They’ve called to ask me to go hiking because they know I love wild places and find healing in the woods.
When the unexpected happens in the lives of those you care about, show up. You don’t have to have the right thing to say. Be present and admit that you don’t have words.
2. Listen without trying to solve the problem when the Unexpected happens.
Several years ago, I walked through a miscarriage. Not knowing what to say, a handful of friends immediately responded with words that weren’t helpful. I knew they had good intentions, and I extended plenty of grace, but I wanted to say, “I don’t need you to fix this for me or point out what God’s going to teach me through it.”
One of the greatest gifts we can offer others in difficult times is the gift of listening. More often than not, unless your loved one directly asks for advice, a listening ear is what’s most needed.
"One of the greatest gifts we can offer others in difficult times is the gift of listening." —Stacey Pardoe Share on X3. Ask God to show you practical ways to provide support.
When someone I love is facing an unexpected turn of events, I’m quick to start brainstorming everything I might do to help out. I easily overlook the importance of asking God to show me what He wants me to know about the situation.
God knows what our loved ones need in difficult times. He wants us to ask him for guidance, and he will often bring to mind spontaneous ideas we would not have come up with on our own.
Years ago, I faced a highly stressful situation in my job as a high school special education teacher. I was exhausted and exasperated. One morning in the middle of that tough season, I visited my sister, and she had a stack of Christian historical fiction novels waiting for me. I’d never read Christian fiction, and I would never have sought out historical fiction on my own. However, after taking the books home, I started leafing through one, and I found that stepping into a different world was an excellent way to “get out of my head” and get away from my daily stress. God had shown my sister a practical way to help me, and I’m so glad she listened.
Ask God to show you how to support your loved one in a practical way, and then follow wherever you sense He is leading. You might be surprised by how much this step will bless you as well as your loved one.
A Final Word
Lastly, remember to pray for your loved one when the unexpected happens. God will use your prayers to shape hearts, bring healing, and provide direction. I keep an ongoing prayer list at the beginning of my journal and regularly update the names on the list. When a friend faces an unexpected season, I write her name on the list and pray for her daily until the Lord leads me otherwise.
"Our prayers are some of the greatest gifts we can give those we love." —Stacey Pardoe #unexpected #prayers #embracingtheunexpected Share on XWhen the unexpected happens in your life, what helps?
Stacey Pardoe is a writer, mother, mentor, and teacher with a degree in education. She blogs about encountering God in our ordinary moments at staceypardoe.com.
Stacey is passionate about pursuing her relationship with Jesus and helping others connect with him in life-changing ways. Check out her library of free online devotionals right here.
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Michele, what fun seeing you here! And yes! I count it among life’s greatest honors to stand with suffering sisters and love them! I love the way God knits us together in community!
Paula, thanks so much for reading! I pray this encouraged you and pray blessings over you!
Lisa, oh, the power of presence! I sure do want to be present to the people I love! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and connect today, sweet friend!
Tammy, yes! Job is such a great example of friends saying way too much! Oh, I’m so prone to be this friend! It’s tempting to try to offer an answer, but so often, listening is the best gift! So happy to connect with you here today, my friend!
Jennifer, I find that writing down names helps me remember to pray! I love it when God prompts me to pray for my friends spontaneously, but it’s easy to forget to be consistent unless I write it down! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!
Debbie, it was so much fun seeing your name here today! Our paths haven’t crossed as often recently, and I’m always blessed by you! And amen to the banner! I should probably print my own and hang it somewhere I’ll see it often!!!
Debby, I’ve learned much of this through trial and error as well. But God is good. His grace abounds even when we don’t know what to say or say the wrong thing. I’m beyond grateful for his grace. And thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment today. You are a blessing to me!
Patti, thanks so much for stopping in today! You have certainly done this exact thing as well – turning the hard points into ways to minister to others. It’s a joy to minister alongside you, my friend!
Deborah, it’s so easy to give into that temptation to say too much. I have to hold back all the time too. I’m comforted in knowing God knows exactly what is needed in the lives of others – and that he wants to show us! Thanks so much for connecting here today!
Barbara, this reminded me of a time when I was sick for months on end, and a friend committed to come over and do Christmas crafts with my kids once a week. It blessed me so much to know they were baking cookies, making ornaments, and doing the things I was too sick to do! I love God’s provision through the body of Christ! Thanks so much for sharing this!
Joanne, thanks so much for connecting here today. I’m so glad these insights were encouraging for you!
So very practical. And what a privilege to walk alongside a sister who’s suffering.
Thank you Maree & Stacey for sharing these helpful ways to help when the unexpected happens. Thank you ladies for this blessed message.
“Her presence says it all.” What a powerful and rich truth, Stacey!
Stacey,
I’m reading through Job and rediscovering the importance of “just listening”. Many times, we need companionship and a willing year more than anything.
Such wisdom in this post.
Blessings,
Tammy
I love your following suggestion Tracy;
“When a friend faces an unexpected season, I write her name on the list and pray for her daily until the Lord leads me otherwise.”
Blessings,
Jennifer
So practical, Stacey. We need to make a banner: “I don’t need you to fix this for me or point out what God’s going to teach me through it.”
This is simple, beautiful – and very practical. I learned some of these ways by trial and error – and I wish more people will read this.
Thank you, Stacey.
Definitely bookmarking.
Stacey, I love how you’ve turned your difficulties with the unexpected into practical and wise advice to help the rest of us. Thank you so much. I’ll be putting this to good use.
Stacey, Beautiful tips on how to handle the unexpected. I can be one who says or tries to do to much. What wil help is “Ask God how He wants us to help” – thank you!
This is so good and helpful. I especially love when God lays on someone’s heart to do something that the person couldn’t have known to ask for. When I was sick for a long time several years ago, a lady from church came over to visit and brought a puzzle to work with my kids. That quiet gift was such a blessing in a season when we’d all had to shuffle here and there for doctor’s visits and babysitters. If she had asked what she could do, I never would have thought to ask for that. That’s one of my favorite memories from that time.
Indeed a wonderful blessing. What a thoughtful friend. Maree
Stacey, thank you for sharing your experience transparently. Your wise and practical suggestions are ones we all can apply when the unexpected happens, whether in our own lives or those around us.