Three Ways to Share the Burden with a Loved One

Are you one who jumps right in to help others when you see they have a need? After all, doesn’t God call us to care for others? However, do you ever consider that perhaps you are overdoing the assistance, and your support might be what hinders the other person from getting better? There may be a better way to share the burden with a loved one.

I am delighted to introduce my friend Darcie Fuqua, who has a beautiful website called Leighton Lane. Darcie shares a truth from a personal experience that many helpers overlook. After reading her words, I immediately changed my course of action. Darcie also reveals some practical suggestions on how to include those we help.

Three Ways to Share the Burden with a Loved One

By Darcie Fuqua

At some point in our lives, we find ourselves caring for someone. It may be temporary as we take care of our spouse, who has the flu. Maybe we find our days spent taking care of the everyday needs of an elderly parent. Perhaps we are caring for someone struggling with chronic physical or mental illness, and the days turn into years.

What Did Paul Say About Burdens

Caring for someone often means we carry their burdens. The Apostle Paul commanded the church in Galatians 6:2 to “share each other’s burdens and, in this way, obey the law of Christ.” He is asking us to carry or bear the weight of others in fulfillment of Jesus’ commandment in Matthew 22:37-39 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Friend, I know that you often carry more than your fair share of the weight as a caretaker of a loved one with mental health struggles, and I know this is because you love as Jesus does. But I sincerely understand the strain of holding such a massive load.

If you keep reading Galatians 6, you stumble into verse 6:5, “for each one should carry their own load.” 

What? I thought Paul told the church to share each other’s burdens, and now we are told everyone should carry their own. Quite the contradiction, right?  

After some research, I learned there are two different Greek words used in these two verses. Galatians 6:2 uses bare for “loads,” which implies something overwhelmingly heavy or too much for one person to shoulder. In opposition, Galatians 6:5 uses the Greek word phortion for the word “load,” which means a reasonable or manageable load. As a Believer in the power of Christ, we will carry our obligations and responsibilities.

When I Needed to Share The Burden

As I played the role of the loved one who needed her burdens lifted by others, I struggled with this direct contradiction played out in Galatians 6. I had a two-month-old son when I went through a mental health crisis, so I needed the help. I was not good at asking for help since my role had always been “the helper.” Needing and asking for help felt demeaning, and I wore a great weight of disappointment on my back. It wasn’t that I was entirely self-reliant. I have a wonderful and supportive husband, but I felt like a burden taking up everyone’s time.

A helpful nudge got me up every morning, dressed, and able to feel my son. Then I would pack up and go to my parents’ house while my husband worked. I believe God gently pushed me to do this every day because he understood all about my stubborn, independent, and prideful nature. He knew that spending time with my parents would be a key piece in my healing.

The Lie About the Burden

Often it is the last thoughts of someone who takes their life to think that their loved ones will be better off without them. To believe this lie is devastating, and to take action on this lie is unbearable. However, this lie acknowledges the crushing weight of self-disappointment they are carrying, the draining feeling of uselessness, and how selfless they are. Yes, selfless, not selfish. Friend, I don’t want to see another person fall prey to these lies, and I know you don’t either.

How to Share the Burden and Responsibility

Let’s look at ways to share the burdens and responsibilities with loved ones who need an extra boost to get through rough times. By incorporating our loved ones in carrying bare (overwhelming weight), we encourage them to take their phortion, so they experience the sense of need and responsibility. It wasn’t until I honestly had “hard love” imposed on me that I started to work towards recovery.

There are two different roles the caregiver plays in the recovery of a loved one. There is the role of providing emotional support and encouragement, and the other part is providing accountability. To a great extent, the two can coexist, depending on the willingness of your loved one, of course. I found some great tips in this article, How to Help Someone Get Motivated on Mental Health America.

How to Truly “Share” the Burdens

It might serve you well to preface the day with a conversation similar to the one below when you embark on this load-sharing journey.

“I will share today’s responsibilities with you because I love you and want to walk this recovery journey alongside you. I understand that you are bearing an extra layer of hardship right now, and I empathize with and validate your struggle. However, I could use your assistance to accomplish some things today. I look forward to today with you and can’t wait to get things done so we can enjoy something fun together!”

Three Ways to Share the Burden

1. Household Chores—Please include loved ones in household chores with you. I call this the “I wash, you dry” approach. My mom and I would fold laundry together, and we would talk if I felt like talking. We would go grocery shopping together, cook, and accomplish other chores together.
2. Specific Requests—Encourage loved ones to ask for help in particular terms by asking, “What one thing would you like me to assist you with today?” If they are incapable of or having a hard time making decisions at this time, offer to help with one specific task. Focus on the one thing until accomplished. Multi-tasking or thinking too far ahead can be overwhelming. 
3. Decision Making—Could you include them in decision-making? Start Simple— what to cook for dinner or errands need to be done for the day. 

Remember, this is a journey or road to recovery. Take small steps with built-in flexibility when establishing accountability with your loved one.

Have you found practical ways to share the burden as a caregiver or recipient of care?

Meet Darcie Fuqua

Darcie Fuqua is a Business Analyst, Auburn Grad (War Eagle!), Christian blogger, and mental health advocate. She is from the deep south of Alabama, where she currently resides with her husband, two energetic, fun-loving boys, and a dog named Charlie. You can read more of her writing on her website Leighton Lane. Check out Darcie’s latest project as co-host of Therapy in 10.

Embracing Faith & Mental Illness Community

Embracing Faith & Mental Illness is a Christ-centered online community for people who care for someone with a mental illness. We have four unique ways for caregivers to participate. You choose what works best for you.

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Upcoming Talk: How to See Your Hidden Blessings as a Caregiver

Caregiving can be one of life’s most challenging roles. Yet, in the midst of the difficult moments, unexpected blessings are often waiting to be discovered.

That’s why I’m excited to invite you to a special talk titled “How to See Your Hidden Blessings as a Caregiver” with Maree Dee, founder of Embracing Faith & Mental Illness. Maree will share insights from her journey, offering practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement to help you shift your perspective and find hope in caring for someone with a mental illness.

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