I am no stranger to the harsh judgments heaped upon those living in the midst of mental illness. For 18 years, I have walked alongside individuals and families who struggle daily. My heart aches when people make quick assumptions, unaware of the deep battles fought behind closed doors. Read on to discover the truth about mental illness and judgment. Learn about compassion for those battling unseen struggles daily.
Judging others in the midst of mental illness causes more suffering and scars and hinders recovery for everyone involved. Is this the mark you want to leave? Share on XAn Emergency Room Visit Void of Compassion
A loving mother once shared a heartbreaking experience with me—one that weighs heavily on my heart as it stirs deep emotions and anger. I hope her story moves you as it did me.
Her daughter had harmed herself, and they rushed to the emergency room, desperate for help. The mom understood that life-threatening patients would be a priority, but what she didn’t expect was the cruel and judgmental treatment that followed.
As soon as the medical staff learned that her daughter’s injuries were self-inflicted, their demeanor shifted. Compassion faded, replaced with cold indifference and whispered remarks that both could hear.
“Don’t bother with that girl—she’s just a cutter.” “Let her wait; she doesn’t deserve immediate help.”
Smiles turned into stares, and voices that once carried warmth became harsh and dismissive. This mother—already carrying the unbearable weight of her child’s pain—was now burdened by the callousness of those meant to help.
When we judge someone in the midst of mental illness, we deepen their suffering instead of offering the compassion Christ calls us to give. Share on XThe Damage of Judgment
Does this really happen? Do people with mental illness receive different treatment than those with physical ailments? Sadly, yes. And all too often. I’ve experienced it and heard countless stories of judgment heaped on families struggling with mental illness.
When We Judge the Individual
When we judge someone struggling with mental illness, we only deepen their suffering. Many already battle intense self-judgment, feeling unworthy and broken. Our criticism can reinforce the painful lie that they are beyond help or hope. Deep in the struggle, many have a running tape that says, I can’t do anything right. Do we want to add to this way of thinking?
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
(I John 3:18 NIV)
Sometimes, we don’t even realize the judgment the other person feels, like when we avoid the person because it feels awkward, and we don’t know what to say. Remember, we don’t have to say a word. Our presence speaks volumes.
As a caregiver, I’m guilty of heaping judgment on at times. It is usually subtle and not my intention, but it happens when I fail to listen or understand the pain, when I’m quick with “my” solution, when I’m defensive, and most of all, when I’m not giving from the overflow of God’s love.
What if we chose to see the person God created instead of casting judgment? What if we took the time to learn how to support them? After all, God doesn’t abandon us or consider us hopeless.
Jesus didn’t judge the broken—He loved them. How can we do the same for those struggling with mental illness? #mentalillness #judgment Share on XWhen You Judge the Family
The pain of judgment doesn’t stop with those battling mental illness—it extends to family members. Families already carry the weight of their loved one’s struggles, often questioning if they are doing enough. They don’t need additional criticism or unsolicited advice. Suggesting “tough love” without understanding the full picture can feel like a dagger to the heart.
Please realize that families often judge themselves and struggle with the fact that we can’t alleviate the suffering of the person we love.
As a caregiver, I often nod as if I’m taking in your well-meaning advice, but inside, I’m probably screaming Walk in my shoes – you have no idea.”
We need to concentrate on how to be effective, not defend our every move. We need your support, your love, and your understanding.
Choose Compassion
Instead of offering quick fixes, being curious and compassionate goes much further. We can ask, “How can I support you?” rather than assuming we know what’s best.
The Vicious Cycle of Silence
Judgment creates a vicious cycle: families stay silent out of fear, and in that silence, misconceptions grow. Understanding would replace stigma if more families felt safe to share their struggles.
We must break this cycle by choosing empathy over assumption. We must be willing to listen, learn, and extend grace.
A Call to Action
Of course, there are stories of great love and kindness—people who stand by families with unwavering support. For those who do, I am forever grateful. But we all have a role to play in making the world a more compassionate place for those navigating mental illness.
Here are a few ways to start:
- Educate yourself about mental illness. Organizations like Embracing Faith & Mental Illness and NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) offer valuable resources.
- Be curious, not critical. Ask questions before making assumptions.
- Listen to stories. When families open up, receive their words with love.
- Encourage, don’t fix. Offer support without imposing solutions.
- Learn skills. Embracing Faith & Mental Illness offers valuable talks to empower those who care for someone with a mental illness.
- Read our Top Ten Posts on Mental Health – click here.
- Help spread awareness by sharing this post on social media.
- Point someone to help.
How Will You Respond?
Will you choose to extend grace and understanding? Have you experienced the pain of judgment amid mental illness? Let’s start a conversation rooted in love, empathy, and the desire to walk alongside one another as Christ calls us to do.
Upcoming Talk: When Your Loved One Has a Mental Illness Is Change Possible?
Feeling stuck, discouraged, or unsure if things can ever improve? This talk is for you. Maree Dee, Founder of Embracing Faith & Mental Illness, invites you to explore:
- Practical tools to help you move forward with renewed hope.
- Steps to take when progress feels out of reach.
- Small changes can lead to meaningful breakthroughs.
Join us for this inspiring session via Zoom on Saturday, March 1, 2025, at 9:00 AM (Mountain Time).
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness Community
Embracing Faith & Mental Illness is a Christ-centered online community for people who care for someone with a mental illness. We have four unique ways for caregivers to participate. You choose what works best for you.
Click here to discover four unique ways for caregivers to participate.
Maree Dee, what a heart-breaking and distrubing story at the hospital. If anyone should know not to judge, and to offer the best kindness and care in such a fragile situation, it’s hospital staff. How sad for everyone involved. Thank you for shairng it and for your words of wisdom. Judging is adding to the burden of the person and family of someone mentally ill. I’ll always remember that, such an insightful way to say it.
Karen, Yes, it is heart-breaking and I have many more stories about this I could share. Even a few we have experienced. I always think if they only knew. A few times I politely go back and let them know. Thank you for reading. Maree
Jesus was not a stranger to any of this, He encountered many afflictions, including the man in the tombs who cut himself. People are desperate to rid themselves of these ” demons” whether a troubled past, abuse, or even self loathing, I am about to share my post on suicide again today, an 11 yr. bullied at school. The key is discernment, whether its medical or spiritual,we may not be able to change people who are determined to be cruel but we can use God’s love to heal the wounds. Young people need to know they are loved. And the enemy of our soul can’t stand against that.
I am so sorry to hear about the 11-year-old bullied at school why died by suicide. My heart and prayers go out to his family and community. I agree we can use God’s love to heal the wounds. Blessings, Mareee
This saddens me to hear medical personnel making theses judgements & comments. That should never be!
Sadly, judgment can come from within the family of those with mental illness, by close family members trivializing the illness or believing “it’s just an act” 🙁
Here in Australia a great deal of media awareness has taken place to educate the wider community on Mental illness & the impact it had on those living with it & their families.
Bless you Maree,
Jennifer
Jennifer,
I am so glad Australia is doing a good job with awareness. I was contemplating how things have changed over the last 14 year in the are of mental health awareness. It is exciting, but we still have a long ways to go.
I agree, judgment many times does come from within the family. I have been guilty of it too. When you don’t experience what it feels like to struggle with a mental illness, it is hard to understand. Plus, one day can look so different from the next as far as capabilities, coping, etc.
I have heard countless stories about medical personnel making judgments and witnessed a few of my own. It is sad. Plus they have no idea how it adds to the suffering.
Thank you for being part of our community here at Embracing the Unexpected. I love hearing what you have to say.
Maree
So glad you wrote about this. This is a very helpful article. I have family who have mental illness and I have been guilty of saying things that weren’t helpful and ended up hurting them. We can only all learn from each other to help educate and grow in relationships with one another.
Heather – I agree we can all learn from each other. We need to keep these conversations going. Thank you for adding to ours here at Embracing the Unexpected. Maree
Thank you so much for sharing this very important post. I was heartsick to read of that mother’s experience with the daughter at the hospital.
My own daughter has experienced this first hand with post-partum depression. Other young mom’s who she thought were her friends were judging her and devaluing and basically mocking a very real depression.
Thank you for advocating for those with mental illness and encouraging us to not distance ourselves from those who suffer with mental illness, but love them and be there for them as Christ would call us to do.
Karen,
I am so sorry your daughter experienced this firsthand. Boy, you find out who your real friends are when you go through hardships. I hate to hear of someone being mocked. The truth is in time; God will open their eyes. He did mine. I too used to judge harshly other mothers before I had an understanding.
Thank you for sharing it helps spread awareness.
Maree
Maree Dee, that is indeed a heartbreaking and infuriating scene. If anyone ever doubted the Bible’s description of the condition of the human heart without Him, scenes like this show how little it takes for the “good” veneer to fall off.
I love what you had to say, “how little it takes for the “good” veneer to fall off.” Thank you for adding to the conversation. Maree
Maree, thank you for sharing so bravely this month!
As a mama of children and young adults with mental illness as well as someone who has personally dealt with PTSD, generalized anxiety, and depression these words penetrate my heart. “Please realize we too judge ourselves and struggle with the fact that we can’t alleviate the suffering of the person we love.” I would do anything to take the pain from my children. I would willingly bear it for them, if possible.
Avoiding personal blame is so difficult; dealing with finger-pointing from others can be almost unbearable. People are afraid of what they don’t understand. It’s a process.
Peace and grace,
Tammy
Tammy,
I love what you said, “People are afraid of what they don’t understand. It’s a process.” This statement is so true. It is such a vicious circle.
It sounds like you too understand the world of mental illness. Praying for you and your family as I hit the send button.
Maree
Maree, I loved reading this post the first time around. Now, that I am reading it again, I am still gaining more from it. Looking forward to pinning this one so others will be blessed, as well.
Erin,
Thank you so much – you have made my day today. Yesterday, was a heavy day around here. Your words have encouraged me. Thank you for pinning. Maree
Maree, I am so sorry you are in the trenches! But, thank you for being a light to your loved ones and not giving up on them!
I sit here crying, all too familiar with the struggles of loving someone with mental illness. I watched my brother go from the happiest, most caring person to someone I didn’t recognize before losing him to the battle raging in his mind. Family members feel helpless as they watch what they can’t control, while others hurl insults only adding to the pain. Thank you for sharing a topic so many refuse to discuss or even acknowledge!
Praying for you! Blessings, Maree!!
Esther,
Thank you for your prayers. I always appreciate them. God is good. We have come so far as a family.
I am so sorry your brother lost the battle to his raging mind, and you lost your brother. Someday I hope to dive into what it is like to be a sibling of someone with a mental illness. I do think this is a pretty untouched area and many siblings get left behind in the losses and the struggle.
You spelled it out, “Family members feel helpless as they watch what they can’t control, while others hurl insults only adding to the pain.” Oh, many times I have seen this repeated. Hopefully, as people step forward and start talking, we can minimize this.
Thank you for stopping by,
Maree
This is such an important topic, Maree! Mental illness is so poorly understood, especially within the church.
I have numerous family members who struggle with it. Just this last weekend one of my brother-in-law’s brothers took his own life. I’m going to be sharing this post as we reel from the loss.
Shannon,
I am so sorry for your families loss. Losing someone is hard enough, but with it being to suicide it brings so many more emotions to process. Praying for prayers of comfort and that you feel Gods presence as you all mourn this loss.
Thank you for sharing. I do believe the more we share; the more people will begin to understand. My hope is then judgments will lower.
Maree
Thank you for this it has really touched my heart. We are going through this with my stepson. It started last year and I still remember the first night in the ER how hard it was, and when we got home thinking how do you deal with this there isn’t many people you can talk to about it because as you said so many are so quick to judge. My daughter had a friend in school who use to cut herself, we talked about it a lot, and she let her friend know that she was always there if she needed her (in fact one night in the middle of the night we had to go and get her and bring her home with us). My daughter works in the ER now and sees a lot of this and she gets so upset when others start judging. I guess unless you have been close to it you don’t understand just how hard it is for the person and for the family. Sorry for the long comment and thank you for bringing this to the attention of others and Thanks for sharing this at the LMM link up! Hope to see you at the next link up.
Connie
Connie,
Don’t be sorry at all for your long comment. I loved reading it.
I am so sorry you are going through this with your stepson. Lifting all of you up right now in prayer. Yes, those firsts can be difficult. I hope you have some support it is a long road. Please do not hesitate to email me offline if you ever want prayer, support, or to pick my brain. I have been at this for awhile.
maree.dee@www.embracingtheunexpected.com
How cool is that your daughter works in an ER. It just reminds me that God uses everything including what her friend went through. I do have to say when you do run into someone at the hospital that does take the time and give a little tender care it make a huge difference. We have experienced many compassionate people along the way.
Blessings,
Maree
Unfortunately I deal with this every day. My son has suffered from severe and chronic depression since he was 16 years old. He is now 29. When people ask me how he is doing, “Has he got a job yet?” It hurts. Because they always follow it with, “He is so lazy. You are letting him walk all over you. Why don’t you kick him out of the house?” Why? Because he will immediately try to kill himself that’s why. Mental illness is the worst and those who judge do indeed make it harder.
Laura – I am so sorry your son suffers from depression. I am sending prayers for him and you as I reply back. You are so right judgments from others just adds to the difficulty. I am so sorry that people say such insensitive things to you. They have no idea if they haven’t walked in your shoes. Thank goodness God knows why we do what we do for our kids.
I hope you have found support from those that do have similar situations. I know for me it is extremely helpful. Please do know that anytime you want to chat or need prayer offline via email I am available. maree.dee@embracingtheunexpected
Thank you for sharing your personal expereinece in the comments. I think the more we are willing to share it will bring an awareness. Blessings, Maree
Hi Maree,
As a Mama of a little one with mental illness, this touched a deep place in my heart. Judgement has been a place I’ve needed to learn to let bounce off me. Sometimes I’m successful and other times not. The strange looks, the random comments that sting, and the loneliness felt along the journey make the daily emotional wrecking even worse. Others can’t understand the utter mental self discipline it takes to parent or live with mental illness. The exhaustion is deep and the grief often raw. Thank you for authentically sharing such important truth around this subject. I pray for more awareness in this area! I’m so glad you shared this at #MomentsofHope with us!!
Lori,
Thank you for sharing a little bit of your story. I believe as we begin to share a bit things will change. You are so right others have no idea the exhaustion and deep grief. Sending prayers for you right now, I do understand. I hope you have found others around you that do understand and support you. Please know I would love to hear more of your story and partner with you in prayer anytime. Feel free to email me directly. maree.dee@embracingtheunexpeted.com I am so glad I found your site and love reading your posts.
Thank you for hosting the link up.
Blessings, Maree
Thanks so much for linking up with Literacy Musing Mondays again! Hope to see you next week. 🙂
Thank you for hosting the link. I will be there. Maree
Thanks for shedding light on a tender subject and for linking up with Literacy Musing Mondays. Blessings!
Brandi – Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment. Mental Health struggles is a topic very close to my heart. Blessings to you! Maree
What a powerful and helpful post! So many I think hurt and offend unaware… lack of knowledge is often to blame, although lack of compassion is usually what stings the most! I am hopeful that the Church is getting better at loving and supporting, rather than shunning and denying! I see small steps of progress as I have friends and family who battle and have battled with various forms of mental illness. Thanks so much for sharing this story and for the steps to take to learn more!
Karrilee, I agree with you so many people hurt and offend and are not even aware of it. We all have to get better at bringing about awareness.
Yes, I agree the Church is getting better. I attend a fantastic church where we have a ministry for families that have a loved one with a mental illness.
Thank you for stopping by and commenting,
Maree
A powerful statement and one we must accept and learn. Oh, that we would see the beauty in each person. I cared for my mother with Dementia and that was a tough 15 years, but such a blessing to me as the one here. I loved her more than anything too and wanted to do right by her. As the caregiver, I, too, endured judgment which hurt. Mama was doing the best she could. I could see beyond her mind. Years ago, I worked in the National Children’s Center in DC where I had a class of severely mentally handicapped 1-4 year olds. When I did a home visit, one mother asked me why I loved her daughter…that no one else but the mother loved Tracy. I told her from the deepest part of me that I saw beyond the shell and saw Tracy from the inside and she is beautiful. The two of us cried and hugged. She said I was the first. Oh, I thank God for His love so that we can love others.
Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable, so open.
Your momma was so lucky to have you. I can tell by your words. I especially loved when you said, “I could see beyond her mind.” Not everyone can do that.
I have tears in my eyes about the little girl you loved. As a Mom with a child with an illness, I can’t quite put into words how that warmed my heart too. When someone besides “mom” can see the beauty in your child, it is just simply marvelous. I see you as an angel on earth.
Thank you!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this at the new Warriors of the Word Linkup…. blessings to those you know who are dealing with these issues. We need to make more people aware that mental illnesses deserve loving responses just as well as any other, especially as Christians. I pinned this to my pinterest board!
Liz,
Thank you for pinning this. You are so right we need to spread awareness. I think when people understand they do have more of a desire to respond in a way that is helpful. I am so glad you stopped by.
Maree
What an awful story. I don’t know if what they did is legal. Certainly not ethical. Hard to believe something like that could happen. I’ve had a family members with a mental illness. Unfortunately, it led to suicide. You never know how someone is going to react to something you say. I have learned to have more compassion for others. No one chooses to be mentally ill. We set the example as Christians and should always lead with kindness.
Sheila,
I am so sorry you lost your family member to suicide. That had to be difficult.
You are so right it wasn’t ethical, but I hear stories like this all the time in the ministry that I am involved with. It is sad.
We do need to lead with kindness.
Maree
Thank you for openly sharing how those with mental illness are being treated. I didn’t realize this. You wrote with such grace and shared some specifics for all of us to help understand. I appreciate your words today.
Mary,
Thank you for your kind words. I know it is unbelievable how we treat those that are struggling and their families. I do believe with more awareness and understanding this can change.
Maree
May I apologize on behalf of those who hurt you and your family? I’m sorry. I pray God will bring healing in all areas.
Kelly,
You are so sweet.! Thank you for your comment and most important for your prayers. Yes, we hang on to healing in all areas.
Just so you know, I write my post from a good place, not a bitter place. I have learned to give the benefit of the doubt even to those that judge my loved or me.
I feel our family, for the most part, has encountered great professional help and I have been one of the lucky ones that have a fantastic support system with God as the lead.
Blessings,
Maree
Education through NAMI and other mental health professionals was the key for me…and of course, the personal experience I’ve had over the years…especially in regards to our daughter who has had similar experiences. The other side of the coin is that mental health professionals tend to heap judgement on us, the parents, which is also very damaging. The judgement truly does stem from lack of education and experience and just makes the situation worse for those inflicted with mental illness and their loved ones.
Bette,
I agree education has been key in helping our family to cope. Two of my favorite classes have been Family to Family (NAMI) and Family Connections (NEA.BPD).
I am so sorry your experience with professional has been to judge you as parents. You are not alone I hear this countless times from families. Hopefully with education and working together things will improve so that we can help families.
I believe with families working together with their loved alongside professional help the outcomes will be better.
Thank you for sharing.
Blessings,
Maree
Maree, Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this. The ER story just breaks my heart. You give much needed insights here. Thank you.
Leslie, It breaks my heart too. The sad thing is in my ministry I hear many of those stories. It happens over and over again. Maree
Oh Maree – this hurts my heart that people would pass judgement not only on t he person struggling with mental illness, but also on the family. I am glad God has given you a voice to speak out for those who can not and to bring awareness to others…. and as for the judging thing – no one should be doing that . Thanks for linking up today at #TuneInThursday.
Debbie,
Thank you for stopping by and commenting. It is so sad how people pass judgment on those struggling with mental illness and their families. I have heard countless stories from families.
Honestly, I probably judged too before our family was hit with it. I find when we do not take the time to understand is when we usually end up passing judgment. I try to be more curious now instead of judgmental.
Blessings,
Maree
I agree with both Brenda and Michele. I worked in a large hospital (it was the largest employer in our state) and saw so many sad stories. And, I have witnessed even more sadness closer to home. Our world is filled with people who just want to be seen, heard, and valued. Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount reminds us that He came to touch people, love people, and restore people. He said it best when He said, “Judge not lest ye be judged”.
For one of my more recent posts, I asked people, “what do wish you had more of in life”. You would be surprised how many MEN teared up and responded “love” or “friendship”. Watching grown, muscular men (who seem to be tough and have it altogether) tear up is quite the wake up call. Our society is more connected than ever with social media and yet suicides are skyrocketing.
Maree, this whole series you are doing is timely and needed in our world. The media claims tolerance, yet it makes fun of people who do not look or act a certain way. Thank you for bringing attention to a subject dear to the heats of so many of us. You are Jesus with skin on. Bless you!
Erin,
Thank you for your insightful comment. I am so glad you shared about your recent post. I find that so interesting about men responding “love” and “friendship.”
I bet with working in a large hospital you saw all kinds of sad stories. I too agree with Brenda and Michele.
Thank you, so much for the feedback and your encouraging comment. You made my day with your closing sentence.
Blessings,
Maree
((Maree)) It is so sad how society treats those who are different. My son struggles with this as well, and it breaks my heart. I’m sorry you’re struggling. Will be praying with you, sister. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. ((xoxo))
Brenda,
Thank you for your comment and your prayers. I too will be praying for you and your son.
Honestly, I can say because of the struggle I am a better person. Of course, I still wouldn’t wish this illness on my family members. Through numerous classes, education, and support I have learned how to cope and been able to turn it around into helping others. Still praying for a miracle.
Blessings,
Maree
As someone who grew up in a home impacted by mental illness, my heart goes out to parents who are struggling with it in their kids. We have so little understanding, really, of what it’s like to be the patient or the support system, but may God give us His grace and mercy to respond out of love and expansiveness rather than smallness of heart.
Thanks, Maree, for this much needed post.
Michele,
Thank you for your beautiful comment. I would love to hear your story sometime about living in a hope impacted by mental illness. I know every single person is impacted.
I know from my experience it has taught me to recognized I know so little about what others are going through. I tend to judge a lot less and have a ton more patience and compassion for others.
Blessings,
Maree