Perhaps you share a similarity with me and enjoy planning for the holidays and creating lasting traditions. Do you savor the sweet rituals that accompany the season? Yet, what happens when those cherished holiday traditions hurt to the core?
There are times when external factors make it impossible to uphold these traditions, or the absence of a loved one casts a shadow over the celebrations. Traditions once loved can now feel unbearable to carry on. #holidaytraditions… Share on XThe Holidays Don’t Magically Stop
In 2008, my heart ached at every step of the holiday preparations. Christmas carried a different weight that year, and I was not fond of it. My child was living far away from home to receive the necessary help; skipping Christmas seemed like the only viable option in her absence.
Nevertheless, the holidays persisted, unyielding in their arrival. I had to navigate through them, not just for myself but for my family. Initially, I mechanically muddled through the motions of doing what we had always done. I vacillated between pretending everything was normal and succumbing to the deep sorrow of what used to be.
Holidays don’t magically stop when someone is absent. #grief #holidaytraditions #unxpected Share on XWhen the Traditions Hurt
The realization that traditions could cause such pain led to frustration with myself for creating so many special memories. I wondered if doing less in the past would have resulted in less heartache now.
Finding joy felt impossible, with the knowledge that our child would be alone on Christmas Day. The pain was unbearable, so my husband and I decided to bring the celebration to our child. We chose to forego our usual family traditions and celebrate Christmas in a hotel room far from home.
Change is Hard
The change proved difficult as confusion and frustration mounted among my other children. Their comments, “What do you mean we won’t celebrate Christmas at home?” tore at my heart. The pressure to make Christmas perfect for everyone weighed heavily on me, and I felt inadequate at every turn.
The holiday became an unexpected Christmas we hadn’t anticipated and didn’t know how to navigate. We feverishly packed our suitcases with clothes and gifts while the big salty teardrops fell in. With no clear plan or direction, we clung tightly to the hand of God, trusting
that beauty would emerge from the pain.
Upon leaving our hometown, a wise friend offered valuable advice: let go of traditions and embrace the new. Let things be different. Embrace what you have—not what you once had.
Sometimes, we must let go of traditions and let things be different. Embrace what you have—not what you once had. #holidaytraditions #hurting Share on XEmbrace the New
Determined on Christmas Eve, we embarked on new activities, and to our surprise, joy emerged, and laughter prevailed, especially when, unexpectedly, my oldest couldn’t quite make the turn on the snowmobile. We found ourselves buried in the snow, unable to get out laughing hysterically.
Next, we dined on a delicious dinner instead of spending hours on our typical home-cooked extravaganza, which opened up time to connect. We set aside our elaborate decorations and settled for an inexpensive silver table tree, nothing like our beautifully decorated tree at home.
After a full Christmas Eve of doing things differently, we arrived at our hotel for the night. Although our family experienced joy, uncertainty lingered, and sadness was present. We hoped and prayed relentlessly that our missing family member would spend time with us on Christmas Day.
My Prayer
Praying, “Lord, thank you for showing us joy today amid our pain; thank you for never leaving our side and helping us persevere in circumstances we never expected. Please allow our missing child to share some time with us on Christmas Day.” Amen
God Opened My Eyes
God answered my prayers beyond what I asked as I witnessed the resilience of my family. Each member displayed qualities I hadn’t seen before, proving we could individually and collectively rise to the occasion and make the most of the circumstances we had never expected. Of course, we missed our built traditions, but we understood what was most important—relationships.
Over the years, I have gathered tips for when you find the holiday traditions hurt to the core. #Christmastradition #freeprintout Share on XWhen Holiday Traditions Hurt
Keep a Reminder
As I unpack my holiday decorations each year, the mangled silver Christmas tree reminds me of our first season when traditions hurt deeply. It symbolizes our family’s strength, the goodness of God, that our family’s love will prevail, no matter the circumstances, and the assurance that God loves us and will never abandon us.
If this holiday season brings pain to your traditions, I hope you will find comfort in the arms of Jesus and joy in doing things differently. Please do share any tips you might have.
Do your holiday traditions hurt to the core this year? I would love to pray for you. #prayer #Christmas #IntentionalChristmasLove Share on X
Intentional Christmas Love
This December, let’s focus on what matters most: love. Join us each week for a new challenge as we turn our hearts toward God, ourselves, and others. Together, we can celebrate the true meaning of the season.
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Beautiful post, Maree. Beautiful reminders!
Tweeted & pinned.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Thank you!
Different is not always bad. I know we have had some different Christmas times, but overall they have helped us appreciate each other and the season. Thanks for sharing your story, Maree, and giving such helpful tips. We don’t want to experience grief during the holidays, but sometimes it is a participant.
Theresa, Yes, it sometimes is a BIG participant. Our holidays are different this year once again. Thank you for the encouragement. Maree
What a beautiful way to handle a sensitive situation. We do need to let go of the “used to be”. Acceptance is difficult, but needed. And God is with us every step of the way.
Laurie, Thank you! Yes we do need to accept. It is hard. Struggling a bit with what I thought it should, be like this year. Maree
This is so beautiful. Holidays are tough when loved ones are no longer around to share them with you like they were in the past so you are correct. You change them. You adjust. You find a new normal. Thank you for this.
Brittany – Thank you! I am so glad you stopped by. Your words encouraged me tonight. We will have a few empty chairs this Christmas. Blessings, Maree
Maree Dee, I love your transparency in your posts. Our family has also had to create ‘new traditions’ or way of doing things due to mental illness in the extended family. I always stiffen up a bit when someone asks if we are spending time with family for Christmas. But I have come to enjoy how we spend our Christmas now.
Thanks for linking up with Grace and Truth, Maree Dee. I always enjoy reading your posts and this one is no exception. I have chosen it as my feature this week.
Aimee,
Wow, I am thrilled to be chosen for your featured post for the week. After a day of writer’s procrastination, it is just the boost I needed. I am so glad you have found a place where you enjoy how you spend your Christmas.I can’t say I am ever entirely at peace. However, due to circumstances beyond my control, we had a quiet one, and it was pretty sweet. I hardly did any entertaining. I missed having people over yet; I also enjoyed the time just to take it all in. Thank you for your comment and featuring me. Happy New Year! Maree
Oh, Maree, your post again brought up so many memories. We went to our daughter for Thanksgiving one year – she was able to come home for Christmas. We brought her home for what we hoped would be better days in late January but she left us later that spring and by her choice hasn’t been home since. Wow, it hurts! So thankful for all the healing God has done in my life and pray … oh, how I pray! Thanks Maree for sharing your story. Blessings!
Deb,
I am so sorry for your pain. I know even with healing it still has a bit of a sting. I too am praying for you. Don’t ever give up. I have seen miracles happen and I am still praying for a few over here. In the meantime, I have thankful for the small ones I do get to experience.
Blessings, Maree
It’s challenging to have things so different from what we plan or expect. But what a testimony you had in the midst of it. Hoping this Christmas is a special blessing to you and your family.
Donna – Thank you! Merry Christmas to you. I hope you have a wonderful celebration. Blessings, Maree
Maree, this is beyond beautiful. Christmas is about what we do, it’s really about what was done for us. Some of our sweetest celebrations have also been the simplest. Praying every Christmas blessing for you and your family this year!
Liz, I love hearing some of your sweetest celebrations were simple. I struggle a bit settling into doing things simple, yet those are my most cherished memories. May you have a wonderful Christmas celebration with those you love, Blessings, Maree
Maree, your honesty is beautiful. I pray God will bless you and your family with a peaceful Christmas this year.
Sarah, Thank you for your beautiful prayer. Peace would be wonderful! I too will be praying the same for you and your family. Blessings, Maree
Such a tender topic, and you’ve handled it with such grace — both in your writing and in your living. Thank you for opening up about this deep hurt and sharing how you navigated the sense of loss and the conflicting priorities and emotions.
This will be helpful for families who are undergoing transition for all kinds of reasons.
Blessings to you and Merry Christmas.
Michele, What a compliment you gave me, thank you, it means the world especially as we head into the last few days of Christmas. Merry Christmas to You! I hope it is a fantastic one for you and your family. Blessings, Maree
Maree, what a beautiful post. And testimony. Thank you for sharing this. We’ve had some years where everything seemed turned upside down and unfamiliar too, and the Lord was so faithful. Always. Always a faithful God, is He. He is the gift of Christmas, then and now. — Merry, merry CHRISTmas to you and yours, friend. xoxo
Brenda – Thank you for sharing how God is always faithful. What a good thing to remember and keep at the front of our minds. Merry Christmas to you too. Maree
Maree, This is a great list of advice and beautiful reminders. I am facing this a bit this year as we help our grandparents move to a new home the week of Christmas! But my kids will have to help out, clean and work together which may pay off more than time spent on extra Christmas movies. 😉
Jennifer, Wow, significant changes for your grandparents right before Christmas. Praying the move goes well. I would love to hear how it goes with your kids helping out. I know for me sometimes helping another at Christmas makes my heart soar. I would love to hear how it is for your kids. Merry Christmas! Maree
Maree, this is so good. I’m sharing.
I am so glad you like it. Thank you for sharing. Merry Christmas! Maree
Such good things you teach us from your experience. Sometimes our traditions that no longer enrich us need to be left behind to embrace what we have now and where God intends to lead us. thanks!
I love what you said,”Sometimes our traditions that no longer enrich us need to be left behind.” I am going to ponder that today. Merry Christmas! Thank you for stopping by. Maree
This is an honest, redeeming experience you’ve shared with us. Thank you! The Holiday’s in my mind are full of expectations that rarely get met. I appreciate the concept of embracing what is. Thanks for the encouragement and I am sharing on my social media sites as people need this!
Laura, Thank you for sharing. Yes, we all need a little encouragement when it comes to expectations. I certainly do. I am trying so hard to have little expectations this Christmas. It’s been a hard year we just need to let things be. Merry Christmas to You, Maree
Maree,
Thanks for sharing the wisdom you’ve gleaned through a difficult season in your life. I appreciate your honesty and how you point to how God provided for you and your family. Advent blessings to you 🙂
Dolly -Advent blessing to you too. Thank you for your encouraging words. God is good. Maree
Thank you for this post. Holidays can be very hard for people who experience grief around these times or even for lonely people.
It is so nice to see how god helps people get through the toughest situations.
Alex – http://www.fixmybrokenmind.com
Alex, Thank you for stopping and by to read and comment. It is funny how Holidays seem to be so difficult. I found myself near tears today over a tradition that I wished I had but never started. Then I had to laugh because it was about making Gingerbread houses and I don’t even like to make them.
This is so well written and so meaningful. I hope that you will look into possibly putting all of these messages together in a book so that it can be shared with even more people. Thank you for your heartfelt words and for allowing God to use your pain to help others!
Phyllis – Thank you for your encouraging comment on putting these together in a book. I would like to do that one day. From the beginning of this journey, God whispered in my ear I will not waste this pain. Of course, I had no idea what he meant. If my words can help even one person, I am willing. I am so grateful for the many people ahead of me that used their pain to help me in many ways. I am grateful you do the same. Maree
Thanks, Maree! Your post was particularly meaningful since our family has also celebrated a Christmas or two in many different and non-traditional ways, like you have described. However, since we only have one child, we only had to be concerned with pleasing her, yet more difficult in other ways since she has always been extremely difficult to please, no matter how hard we tried! This year, however, is also different since my husband and I are traveling to our loved one and her family for Christmas. We didn’t decorate our own home since we’ll be in their home and there won’t be many decorations since they are a young family without much money for things like that. So, while it will be different, it will still be filled with joy since we’ll be with our loved one, her husband and our precious grandson…and awaiting the arrival of another grandson due on Epiphany!
Bette,
That is so exciting to be welcoming a new grandson into your family. What a gift! That sounds like a great different Christmas. Please let me know when he arrives. I will be praying for all to go well. Blessings – Maree