When you become friends with someone – do you expect it to last forever? I certainly do. And if it doesn’t, are you left in a place of frustration trying to figure out why it hasn’t continued? Perhaps a question you need to ask yourself is, why would I let go of a friendship?
Could it be some friendships are not intended to last forever?
When You Want a Friendship to Last Forever
Today, I pondered a bond that meant so much to me and had slipped away. I wondered, “Do I try again to restore this relationship?” “Is there something I did or didn’t do to make it disappear?” Or, “Is it time to accept this friendship was for a season and a reason, and now I need to let it go?”
This beautiful friend of mine was my right-hand person as I walked through a crisis in my life. My heart is full of gratitude for this special lady. Without her expertise, love, laughter, and faith, I could not have done it. But for some unknown reason, this rapport didn’t seem to remain, and it bothers me.
Don't you want friendships to last forever? However, this is not always God's intention. #lettinggo #friendship #season #reason Share on XTo the best of my knowledge, there has been no wrongdoing, yet I pondered—did I do something offensive? Was I not supportive enough? Could I have been too needy?
Of course, it is good to look for any wrongdoing and set it right. God wants us to make amends to those we hurt regardless of whether the friendship remains. #amends #lettinggo #letgo Share on XBut what about those relationships that seem to drift away? Should we let them go or fight to restore them to what they were?
On many occasions, I have tried reaching out but was met with silence. Then, out of nowhere, I received an invitation to a party in honor of my friend. Of course, I accepted with an expectation of something more. It was pleasant to see her, but nothing further came about. This event only added to my confusion until I ran across this poem.
A Friendship for a Reason and a Season
It can be challenging to recognize when a relationship is only for a season or a reason and even harder to let it go. #lettinggo #friendship Share on XHowever, when we hang on to a friendship beyond its time, it spoils the richness of what was shared. Plus, wasting precious time pondering what went wrong is easy instead of concentrating on what we can carry forward into new relationships.
So today, I will recognize this person as one of the most significant and influential relationships in my lifetime. I will always treasure and value the time we both took to cultivate closeness and be there for each other in the challenging seasons of our lives. Every second of the time was worth it because the affection lives on in my heart. The goodness from this friendship lives on as I cultivate it and send it out to others.
Do you struggle with wanting a relationship to last forever? If so, will you ponder if this friendship is meant for a reason or a season, and now it’s time to release it?
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Maree, I appreciate this so much! Shortly before I graduated from college, someone spoke in a chapel on this topic, and it was a particular blessing for those of us who in a few short months would start discovering a lot of our friendships were just for the college season. So much wisdom in this, and relief from feelings of guilt and concern for those who want every friendship to last forever! Thanks for this today!
Bethany,
Thank you for your encouragement this morning. What a great topic to hear right before graduating college. Oh, how I miss all those friends from those days.
Maree
Hi,
Thank you for your honest responses to both of my questions. I see what you mean by it being circumstantial.
If a friend you don’t want to let go of, has let go of you and won’t respond to anything I do/say/try/send, is that a strong sign to let go because nothing I’m doing is working to reconcile? And, could that be a sign that it was a for a season or reason friendship?
Thank you for your helpful replies and experience. I am praying lots through this.
Blessings,
Scott
Hello, Maree,
Thank you very much for your replies and help. I have 2 questions-
1) How neat that you’re writing a book on grief. When do you anticipate being finished with the books and having it available for folks to read?
2) Is being able to learn how to let go of friend a true sign of loving that friend?
Blessings,
Scott
Scott, I am hoping to have it finished by the end of the year. We shall see.
I don’t feel qualified to answer your #2 question. I think it can be a loving thing, but circumstances can be so different. I believe that is between you and God. There are people in my life; I don’t let go of even when they push me away and mistreat me. Then there are other friendships I know were only for a season, and I do let them go. Sorry, I don’t have an answer. Maree
Hello, Maree,
Thank you very much for the kind response. I am very grateful to you and for your help. I did find that article you referenced (thank you!). I did find it helpful and I need all of the help I can get.
Thank you for being willing to say a prayer for me and for the friend I have unexpectedly lost (his name is Taylor). That means so much to me and I never take prayer for granted. I am certain (though he doesn’t know it) that Taylor will be grateful for the prayers.
Do you find a certain mode or way of grieving to be particularly helpful? Is letting go and grieving a daily thing or is there an “appropriate timeline” of sorts?
Scott,
Believe it or not, I am working on a book right now about grieving. The most frustrating part of grieving for me is it doesn’t work in a specific formula, and it creeps back in when I least expect it. I personally struggle with noticing I have something to grieve. I tend to deny quite a bit of my losses.
Sometimes it is daily, but other times, it is a seasonal thing. The triggers seem to happen out of nowhere, and when they come, I start all over by first Naming It – Feeling the Emotion – Accepting It – Validating It – Mourning It and letting God have it.
Blessings,
Maree
Dear Maree,
I stumbled across your website and this particular topic and post when I simply typed in this question into Google- “Is learning to let go of a friend you’d really like to keep a sign of loving said friend?” I read your entire article and I gleaned a lot of helpful aspects from it. Thank you for sharing your insight, wisdom, and experience through such a grace-filled message. I am still struggling with a loss of a very dear friend and May 11th coming up will mark a year. Not only has the loss of said younger friend been very hard, but he just cut me out one day with no warning or closure, so I am living through this loss without knowing a particular why, knowing what I may or may not have done or said (accidentally), and not receiving any closure. I have prayed about this and for my friend every single day since May 11th, 2019. I am living through lots of grief, too. Can you offer some ideas of how to effectively grieve and ways to provide closure for me? And, I don’t know if you keep a prayer list (I do), but if you do, may i please ask you to say a prayer for my friend? Also, what is the “best” or most appropriate way to pray for my friend? I don’t want to be selfish, but at the same time, I’m trying to be selfless, but my honest side is also trying not to lie and still feels like “asking for him back”. Thank you for any additional help. God bless you!
Scott,
I am so glad you stumbled upon my website. Welcome!
It is so hard when we lose a friend, whether it be to death or other circumstances. It is hard to let go. I don’t give up easily on anything. It sounds like we have something in common we try to hang on.
I want friends to be for a lifetime, but sometimes they aren’t meant to be. It is hard when we don’t have an explanation. I can tell you are in prayer. I am hoping God will show you the steps to take. I love that you have searched your heart to see if there was wrongdoing on your part.
I do believe we have to treat our losses with care. Here are some steps I take in all losses.
Recognize Your Loss – Name It – Feel the Emotion – Accept It – Validate It – Mourn It
Here is an article where I talk a little bit more about it. https://www.embracingtheunexpected.com/how-grieve-losses-world-doesnt-see/
But not for one minute is any of this done without God. Yes, of course, I will pray for you and your friend.
Blessings,
Maree
This spoke volumes to me. I immediately thought of a friendship that this applies to and I’ve been struggling with the unexpected distance now between us. I pray for her, but I’m realizing, at least for this season, it’s not what it once was and I can’t be consumed with trying to force it into something it’s not. Thank you for helping me process these thoughts and to consider what future friendships the Lord has in store for me!
Erin, Thank you for sharing. It is hard to let go. I am praying for new future friendships for you right now. Maree
I read this with interest because friendships are so important to me. You have spoken such wisdom. It is difficult, but necessary to pour yourself fully into intimacy when it is right and God-honoring, but also be ok if something has run it’s course. It’s all a part of the joys and difficulties of life.
Lauren,
Thank you for adding to the conversation. Friendships are super important to me too. I always wish for more time with those I have. I love what you said, ” It is difficult, but necessary to pour yourself fully into intimacy when it is right and God-honoring.” Such a good thing to pray about. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Maree
This is such good advice, Maree. Thank you. Sometimes it’s hard to know. I do need to let go more. I am too prone to think there must be something wrong with me. I’m afraid I also put up some emotional walls out of fear of being rejected or slandered if they know more about my life. I have been deeply rejected by friends I thought were life-time friends when I shared the truth that a pastor abused me when I was young and when we left that church. God has brought me far on the healing journey, and I know He wants me to be authentic, but sometimes I still feel those walls creep up at times. I’m so grateful for Jesus, a Friend who we can always trust and who will never reject us or leave us. Love and blessings to you!
Trudy,
I am so sorry your friends rejected you when you shared your truth with them. I am also sorry the abuse happened to you. It must have been so painful to go through and then to be rejected on top of it. God is so good, and I am glad He has taken you on a healing journey. We are so blessed to have Him by our side. Thank you for sharing your story with others. I am sure you will help and probably already have many. Maree
This is great, Maree! Because our church seems to a stepping stone to other ministries, I literally have friends all over this world. It’s so awesome! But I also have those friendships that I thought would last a lifetime, and for one reason or another, they don’t. Some friendships are seasonal I suppose. Thank you for this encouraging post.
Pinned.
Thank you for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Patsy,
It is fantastic to be able to have friends all over the world. I, too, love that this is possible. I have one friend in particular who I feel incredibly close to but lives miles and miles away. We hardly ever see each other in person. Thank you for sharing my post. Blessings, Maree
Thank u 4 this. Judging by the comments, I guess it’s a normal experience. I was just considering writing about this last week, but the end if the relationship is too new & I don’t want to hurt anyone. 🙂 So, thank u 4 ur words. 💝
Jenn – Yes, I would say it is a normal part of life. However, you are wise to wait a bit to write about it. Maree
I have a really good friend whom I refer to as my sister…I have been feeling her pull away as she gets closer to another friend of hers. It has hurt so much because I love her so dearly. We were like Jonathan and David. One day while I was folding laundry I was thinking about this and I realized that God gives us friends for a season. And, now, God has given her a new friend for this new season and I just need to let go. I didn’t do anything wrong. It has nothing to do with me being worthy of her friendship. Our closeness was simply for a season. Sometimes it’s just hard to embrace that and I am still in the middle of grieving the loss of that closeness. I know God has new friends for me too in this new season
Melissa, Thank you for sharing your story. It is so helpful to hear more examples of what friendship for a season can look like. I am sorry for your pain. It is a loss, and grieving is necessary. I am praying for you right now. Maree
This is such a timely post. I woke up this morning in remembrance of all the close friendships that I’ve had over the years. I know they are still there as I could call any one of these women and they would come at a moments notice if I needed them. But it saddened me to know that as the things we had in common changed over time, so did the relationships. So I decided to be a better friend, reach out to say hello and pray for them. What a great way to start my day!
Wendy, You are a great friend! What a great idea to pray for those who do not walk so close to us anymore. I am going to do the same. Thank you! Maree
This is something I definitely struggle with Maree. I get attached. Even in the blogging world. One of the most difficult things for me to learn about blogging was that bloggers will come and go from your life. I used to think maybe I wrote something that offended them but it’s usually not about me. Maybe the person in question stopped blogging or maybe they went a different way with their blog or maybe they just aren’t interested in what I have to say anymore, but I had to learn to let go. Thanks for the good post on the topic!
Laurie, Thank you for sharing. You put words to what I feel many times in the blogging world. Maree
This is such a challenging thing to do, but sometimes it is exactly what we are supposed to do.
Praying for wisdom and grace for each of us as we navigate our friendships and their seasons.
Rebecca, I will join you in prayer. It is hard to know when friendships are only meant for a season. We need God’s wisdom. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Maree
Hi Maree !
I thought about David and Jonathan’s friendship that was so precious. Jonathan loved David so much that he gave his royal robe and sword to David. He even risked his life for David. And then….Jonathan was killed in the battle along with his dad, king Saul.
David was so heartbroken when he learned that his beloved friend, Jonathan died.
Kalyani, Wow, it was if you were sitting in my living room today. Today I was reading about David and Jonatha in my Bible. Our church is doing a study on David. I am not quite at the part where Jonathan died. Yes, David and Jonathan had quite a friendship. It encouraged me. Maree
Hi Maree. I relate to this, as a friend I thought would last for a lifetime walked away without notice. Maybe our friendship was only meant for a season. I am grateful for the good times and moving forward now. Blessings to you!
Sarah – It is hard when a friend walks away without notice. Many times it has absolutely nothing to do with us. I like how you can be grateful in remembering the good times. Blessings back at you, Maree
Thank you Maree for the richness of the wisdom here and oh so lovely a poem you have shared too….
Sometimes it is hard but praying about our friends helps us find peace whether they are meant for a season or a reason.
Much Blessings to you
Ifeoma,
I think you are so right that praying for our friends help us find peace. Thank you for that reminder.
Praying you have a blessed day today!
Maree
Love this post! I’ve had the same thoughts, what have I done? Did I say something or do something wrong? This gives me relief to hear about the seasons of friendships.
Great and encouraging post!
#Faith’NFriends
Julie, – I am so glad to hear I am not the only one. Glad you stopped by. Maree
“Reason, season, or lifetime.” Wow. Must apply this today to a relationship that I need to accept was just for a reason. Thank you for sharing your words and heart…stopping by from Faith ‘n’ Friends.
Elizabeth, Thank you for stopping by today. I hope it goes well applying this to your friendship. Maree
Yes, we may never know exactly why a friendship ends. I’ve had friendships that come to a close and realize that they were toxic and unhealthy.
Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth.
Aimee,
Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I don’t know about you, but when a friendship is unhealthy or toxic, it isn’t so difficult to end. The catch is realizing it. Blessings, Maree
I do struggle, but I know there are season friendships. Letting go of anything can be hard!
Sarah – That is so true, letting go of anything can be hard. Right now I am spending time in a place where we have seasons. I am both amazed and perplexed how things keep changing. I even cling to the season I am used to. Maree
I love your poem. If only we read this as young girls and realized some friends will be in our life for a purpose or a short while. How helpful it would be. Thanks for enlightening us.
Theresa – I loved your blog. I visited today. I love that you laugh. I could use more of that in my life.
I sometimes wonder what life would look like if we grew up with the wisdom we now have. That would have been great to read and understand this poem as children. Maree
So good, Maree. It’s hard to live, but freeing too. Thanks for sharing your wisdom <3
Amanda,
I am so glad you stopped by to visit. It is fun getting to know you. Maree
I too have struggled with this,and apparently am not alone! I am praying over a couple of different friendships right now, knowing that if I will just get out of the way, God will show me how and when to let go or how and when to repair hurt feelings. I am also trying to invite Him into my hurt, which I’m sometimes slow to do. It’s a loss, and grief is okay! Your reminder that He doesn’t intend every friendship to last a lifetime is like balm on a wound…thank you!!!
Michelle – You are not alone. I am so glad that you found my reminder like balm on a wound. I like that. Maree
I must admit I have been in the same place and have struggled over why this person whom I considered my best friend, would suddenly and without explanation want nothing more to do with me. I realize now, she was there for a reason. Thanks for sharing this it has made me look at this differently and taken a bit of the hurt away.
Laura, I am so glad it took a bit of the hurt away. Wishing you a fabulous week! Maree
Years ago I was in the same place. It’s hard when you don’t know what happened. But like you said, when I was finally able to accept the beauty of the season, I can look back with fond memories of the past and love in the present.
Valerie, You are so right, it is amazing when we accept the beauty of the season. I just wish I came more natural to me. I seem to want to hang on to everything good and if I am not careful I will squeeze the life right out of it. Maree
Maree, I have seen some friendships fade without knowing why they did, and I understand the hurt. I have also let some toxic friendships go and experienced freedom. It’s a tricky dance, and prayer has really helped me navigate the changes.
Sarah, I like what you said, “It’s a tricky dance.” So true, prayer helps. Have a wonderful weekend. Maree
Really enjoyed reading this and hearing your perspective. Boy it really makes sense. I could relate so much to your relationship that had not continued. But the reason, season, and lifetime evaluation explains it well. Thanks!!
Gretchen,
I am so glad you enjoyed my post. That poem came across my desk on a week where we were saying goodbye to a lifetime friend. However that pain was too new to write about so I chose a season and a reason friend to write about. Hope you will stop by again. Maree
Hi Maree. God had friendship on my heart this week as well. While I’ve had to release several friendships, He’s also encouraged me to be the one willing to fight for others. It’s such a fine balance, and I’m grateful for God’s wisdom and guidance along the way. Glad to visit you from the Grace & Truth linkup.
Tiffany, I am so glad to meet you from Grace & Truth. I love meeting new friends. I too am totally willing to fight for others even those that do not call me friend. You might like my post on, Standing in the Gap. Maree
Thank you so much for writing honestly about this. I’ve had to let go of some friendships, and while it was painful, it also brought such freedom. Sometimes God gives us friends for a certain season & then we’re supposed to move in. It’s only by His grace & mercy that we can do so with certainty.
I hopped over from Grace & Truth! Thanks again for this beautiful message.
Alison, I am so glad you hopped on over from Grace & Truth. It is nice to meet you. I totally agree with your wisdom. Maree
Maree,
This is such a hard lesson to learn well. I have a very hard time letting people go. I want to hold them close like they are treasures which I am supposed to care for, but then I forget that they are HIS treasures and we are meant to serve one another for His glory. 🙂
One of my dearest and best friends moved away recently. It has been really really hard to not have her close. It is easy to fear the loss of connection as a loss of friendship. way too easy. And easy to be sad that she is forming new friendships, but that is exactly what she needs to do and it won’t change a thing between us. 🙂
Great words of wisdom, Maree. Thanks for sharing!
Blessings
Dawn
Dawn – It is so sad when one of our good friends moves away. You are a good friend to recognize that she need to form new friends. Maree
Maree, Thank you for sharing your insights about this.
I too have struggled with why a majority of my relationships seem to only be for a season. Like you, there was no bad feelings, nothing happened to sever it, the friend just drifted away… At the rate I’m going, this will be the case with all of my friends. I am in a season right now of not having opportunities to even seek out new friends, but I have been praying that God will show me where I can cultivate new friendships.
I leave your blog feeling encouraged. Thank you.
Karen, I am so glad you leave encouraged. I have to share I have been in a season (10 years) where opportunities for cultivating and maintaining relationships has looked nearly impossible. I have been amazed at how God has brought me just the right people, some of which have turned in to lifetime friends. One in particular I have only seen socially maybe twice in all of our friendship yet I would call her one of my best friends. Hang in there God will bring them, it just may look different. Maree
Maree, I am so grateful you stopped at my blog because it gave me opportunity to read this post. I sooooo struggle with this and in fact, have been struggling the last few days in particular. Thank you for sharing your words and the poem as both have blessed me this morning. You have helped me to settle my heart. And I think this is my first time here so may I say, “It has been wonderful to meet you!!!” Blessings!
Joanne – The feeling is mutual. It is great to meet you too. I am so glad my blog blessed you. I have to admit this is an ongoing struggle with me. I want friends forever. Maree
I struggled with this concept, but then I met my husband who shared the whole “friend for a season” thing and that has helped me tremendously.
Lisa – You are so blessed to have a husband that gets it and can encourage you. That must be helpful. Maree
Wow, Maree, beautiful insight here. — I’m one who struggles to let go, too. I always tease that if I’m your friend, you can’t get rid of me, I’m your friend for life. *smile* — But, there are friendships we outgrow, and that’s just part of making space for new seasons. — I tell my son that “friends for a reason a season or a lifetime” phrase sometimes. He’s 21 and thinks he’s supposed to always stay close to every person he’s ever known. Friends provide many opportunities for growth and growing pains, don’t they? Blessed to have them though. I love your phrase: “when we hang on to friendships that were not meant to last forever, it spoils the richness of what we had.” Such wisdom in that. Thank you for sharing with #ChasingCommunity, Maree. ((hug))
Brenda, If I am completely honest, I still want to hang on to friends forever even when I know they are for a season. I remember feelings exactly like your son. Thank you for stopping by. Love #ChasingCommunity Maree
I love this: “I discovered – when we hang on to friendships that were not meant to last forever, it spoils the richness of what we had. It somehow discounts the closeness that was once felt. We waste precious time pondering what went wrong and sometimes even our own worth.” I’ve recently had a friendship, that I thought was for a lifetime, weaken. It hasn’t died completely, but honestly most days it feels dead. She turned, moved on, divested. It hurt. I think the hardest thing to navigate is when we thought it was for a lifetime, but evidently not. Your words ring true, though. I began to feel myself damaging what we had enjoyed when I grabbed hold and questioned and lamented. Then several months ago I just decided to let go. And I’m breathing fresh air again.
I’m so glad I dropped by from Chasing Community link-up! I’ll be back!
Kay, I am so glad you stopped by too. Your example was so helpful about letting go. I like that you feel the difference after letting go. Maree
This truth is so difficult to accept, but it is also so freeing! I have also tried to cling to friendships when their season has long passed. It is difficult to let go of something that was once so rich and beautiful. But there is a season for everything, and often, we must be willing to move on to the next and follow God where He calls. Thank you for sharing this!
Nicole- Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience. It is so true that there is a season for everything. I still fight it a bit.